I have an idea for a chain of Elvis steak houses.
It will be for people who love meat tender.
Gobbling gorgoyles gobbled gobbling goblins.
What do potatoes become when they smoke weed?
Baked potatoes.
What kind of ghoul has the best hearing?
The eeriest!
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
Q: What do you call a French guy being mauled by a tiger?
A: Claude.
Large, pink birds are a good asset to a football team. They’re very used to playing flamingoalie.
What do you call cheese that is sad? Blue cheese.
Drinking tea while being too calm can kill you, did you know?
It's called a casual tea.
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
Why are cowboys prone to gambling?
Because they're always raising the steaks.
I know a guy who had both arms amputated from elbow to shoulder.
He is always serious and never humerus.
Why did the witch stay in a hotel during her travels?
She heard they had great broom service.
Werewolves love their fast food.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
Flamingo parents are really cute with their babies. You should see them playing Beak a Boo.
The only time a basketball team can chase a baseball team is five after nine.
What's long, surprisingly bigger than expected, comes in different colors, and everyone wants a ride from?
A limousine.
What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
A growl.
How do sponges talk to the devil?
They use a squeegee board.
Which superstar has a nose for the puck? Mario the Magsniffascent.
Why do you need a password to make a camp fire?
So you can log in.
What did the pun mom say to the new pun dad?
We have a pun in the oven!
How do you make a glow worm happy?
Cut off his tail, he’ll be de-lighted!
What's the manliest fruit to eat?
Mango.
She sold six shabby sheared sheep on ship.
What did the koala radio host say before going on a commercial break? “We’re going to take a small paws for our sponsors.”
My chickens escaped and over my yard...
I wasn't expecting the coop d'etat.
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
What do you call half of a centaur?
A per-centaur.
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
I loved the soup that they served at the local restaurant yesterday. It was simply pho-nomenol.
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
What do you call a rock that never goes to school?
A skipping stone!
"Great minds drink alike."
Two sodium atoms are walking down the street. Suddenly one says “Oh, my God, I’ve lost an electron!” The other says “Lost an electron! Are you sure?” and the first replies “Yes, I’m positive!”
I was talking to my friend and he asked me, “As a young boy was your mom strict with you?” I told him, “To be honest,...
“...my mother was never a young boy.”
What did the dolphin say when it broke its neighbor’s window?
It wasn’t on porpoise!
What type of blood does a keyboard have?
Typo.
Why did Samson try to avoid arguing with Delilah?
He didn’t want to split hairs.
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
Dolphins don't have accidents.
They do everything on porpoise.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
Why did the witch's cat scratch her?
Because he was in a bad mewd.
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