What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
Why did the bat walk in her pijamas to take a bath?
Because she did not have a bat robe.
I like you a latte.
Why didn’t the boy believe the tiger? Because he thought it was a lion!
Why is the left cerebral cortex always wrong?
Because it was never in the rgiht.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
What do cats eat on hot days?
Mice cream.
What is a beaver's most favorite drama series ever? Riverdale.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
“Did you know that Father Christmas has a daughter? Her name is Mary Christmas.”
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
You snow the drill.
What did the Mexican wrestler say after he ate a taco that was too spicy?
“It’s okay, I’ll just guac it off”
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
How does a horse get a suit fitted?
With a tail-or.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
The soup chef changed the design of his menu. He said his new favorite font is Times New Ramen.
How does the Easter Bunny stay fit?
Egg ercise.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
If you see a deer without antlers acting crazy, don’t eat it without cooking it first.
Everyone knows you can’t eat raw kooky doe.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
Kids got me an Old-school Chemistry set for Father's Day...
... Totally in my Element.
What do you call a group of butchers coming together? A meating.
The only way athletes can stay cool even in a charged game is by standing near the fans.
He’s my pinch charming.
Just because your football team calls itself the unicorns doesn’t mean they can play in the corn field.
Readers do it between the covers (or alternately, readers do it between the sheets).
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
"Come follow me and I will make you a Fischer of men."
Why did the dairy farmer go on a diet? She wanted to cheddar a few pounds!
Why couldn’t the donut reach enlightenment? Because it was already holy.
What does a bookworm do during a baseball game? Worm the bench.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
What's green, green, green, green, green?
A frog rolling down a hill.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
Just received Areal Flood Advisory notification on my phone
I should hope it's a real one, the fake ones are just annoying.
Oh, I thought I was playing the first round, but I guess I got a free pass. Bye.
A pilot friend of mine took the flight exam and flew past a rainbow. No wonder, he passed with flying colors.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
Did you hear about the banana who went to the doctor's because he wasn't peeling very well?
Go to BabaMail
