What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever ?
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
It’s raining cats and dogs outside.
I think I just stepped in a poodle.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Did you hear about the werewolf who got invited to the dance?
He really wanted to go, but the upcoming full moon was giving him paws.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
Why do computers make such bad boxers?
Their bark is worse than their byte.
Why was the Copper Mountain skier taken to the emergency room?
He hurt his ski bum.
Why didn't the cell phone wear his glasses? He lost his contacts.
What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater? "That's the most violent book I've ever read."
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
How do gorillas get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
Why are winter days great?
They’re snow much fun!
What's the difference between and Buffalo and a Bison?
You can't wash your face in a Buffalo.
When the drivers ran out of fuel in the grassland, they refueled their tanks with grass-oline!
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and a sheep?
A woolly good jumper.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
What is the difference between a chemist and a geologist? While a geologist will drink anything fermented, a chemist just
drinks anything that is distilled.
Why did the hawk sit on the church’s steeple?
It was a bird of pray.
My dad didn’t love me as a child, but I don’t really blame him.
I wasn’t born until he was an adult.
We make a great pear
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
Frankenstein’s monster was really worried one day.
“Pull yourself together”, said Frankenstein.
I ordered the wrong kind of flowers online for Valentines Day.
Oops e-daisies.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
If volleyball were easy, they would call it football.
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
My daughter was just complaining about washing dishes by hand
I told her, “well... it’s better than washing them by foot.”
Why is everyone so tired on April 1st?
Because they just finished a long 31-day long March!
Why don’t werewolf make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet!
Why do poltergeists love haunting old theaters?
Because they can't wait to boo the performers.
What is a baby sasquatch's favorite toy?
His Yeti Bear!
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
Where do most horses work for their first job?
Re-tail stores.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
A werewolf's favorite day of the week is Moonday.
What did the bat say to the friend who itched and squirmined?
Come back when you have washed out the virmin.
What happened to the skier who was injured the the top of the peak?
It's been all downhill from there.
What did the goat say when he woke up on a train?
I have no idea how I goat here.
When you go to the wolf hotel just around the corner, you will meet this huge, moustached wolf who always says, “howl may I help you?” as if he has no other words to us!
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Go to BabaMail
