When the bread started crying because it was toast, the loaf told him, "You deserve butter."
What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
Why doesn’t the sun go to college? Because it has a million degrees!
My friend’s bakery burned down last night.
Now his business is toast.
What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house?
The living room.
Why did no one want to sit near Shrek?
He had terrible body ogre.
I can't get my wife to try Mediterranean food.
She doesn't like hummus, which is a naan-starter.
Why did the giraffe graduate early?
He was head and shoulders above the rest of the class.
You snow the drill.
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
What do a pregnancy test and hummus have in common?
They both require a chickpea.
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
If you see a ghost, you should always say, 'How do you boo?'
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift.
Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
I came across an injured flamingo the other day. I tried to help, but luckily it was already receiving medical tweetment.
What do we call the basketball team that won the donuts championships? – dunkin donuts.
Everybody wants to light up a soccer stadium. However, this is only possible using a soccer match.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
Why don’t dolphins have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
What do you call a Boston creme donut that’s a straight-A student?
The creme of the crop.
What is a blue whale’s favourite James Bond Film?
Licence to Krill.
What type of underwear does a yard wear?
Lawngerie.
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
If your mom slaps you with high frequency -
It Hertz
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak? Mouse code!
What do llamas always say when they introduce themselves?
“Fleeced to meet you.”
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
Q. Which kind of ape enjoys smoking tobaco?
A. Cigarilla.
The Montreal baseball team relocated to Tampa after being purchased by the
Exposito bros.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
When you cross a magician and an airplane, the result is a flying sorcerer.
A bunch of crows ganged up and killed a chicken.
It was a murder most fowl.
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
When I got my first job at the bowling alley, I was only tenpin.
What do you call a fake Irish stone? A shamrock.
Why did the volleyball player get thrown out of the party? He spiked the punch.
What is batman’s favorite food (ans Just-ice)
Not much, just-ice.
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
You're so beautiful, even the leaves fall for you.
Why did the volcano say to the mountain? I lava you
Why do old artists never die? They just put things in perspective.
What is a ghoul's favorite soup?
Ghoul-ash.
What happens to witches who break the school rules?
They get ex-spelled.
How do volleyball players deliver their messages? Through Air Mail.
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
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