What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
What's a pickle's life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
Today I went to the bee store
And I wanted 12 bee's but when I checked out the cashier gave me 13 and I asked him why he gave me 13 instead of 12 and he said it was a free bee.
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
Why did the orange come back after it was thrown in the garbage?
It was a boom-orange.
How can you tell if a witch is on a diet?
All her food is potion-controlled.
A strawberry will never help another strawberry because they tend to always get into jams.
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
What does the Ghost say when he sneezes? - Ach-ooooooooooooooooooooo!
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
A bunch of crows ganged up and killed a chicken.
It was a murder most fowl.
I don't know what Dracula's address is, but I'm pretty sure he lives on a dead end street.
Q. Which Louisville race exclusively features buck and stag contestants?
A. The Kentucky Deer-by.
What do you call a group of rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hareline
"learn to play piano by ear!"
"Thanks, I'd rather use my fingers."
Whoever lives by the sword shell die by it.
Why are owls so good at math?
They excel at owlgebra.
Don’t get me wrong, I love our soccer team. However, in sharp contrast to the albatross, our team doesn’t have two decent wings.
What do you call someone with Yellow hair on the beach?
A beach blond.
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
How can astronauts get more protein in their diet? They make it meteor.
Soft fruit is not always the best at doing research. They aren’t very thorough; they tend to cherry pick information.
I was in the hospital the other day and the nurse asked how I was doing; I told her I was fine until my bladder had to go and get infected.
I mean, the gall...
Dolphins don't have accidents.
They do everything on porpoise.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
Where do wasps go on holiday?
Stingapore.
I work at an Ink company in Spain. Yesterday I held a Competition about our company’s history. But looks like no one wanted to be a part of the
Spanish Ink Quiz Session.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
Do you find bone puns humerus?
I told a friend that I thought his pet zebra was a fake. He said, “Well spotted”.
What has 34 legs, 9 heads and 2 arms? Santa Claus and his reindeer.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
What did the skydiver say in autumn? I love the fall.
What do you call a bunch of kids who spent all afternoon in the snow?
Chill-dren!
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
The main difference between a dog and a basketball player is that one dribbles while the other one drools.
What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make?
Brrrroooom, brrroooom.
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
What do you call a thirsty bee?
Beehydrated
What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
Q: What did the leaf say to the wind?
A: You really blew me away.
"Come follow me and I will make you a Fischer of men."
Why shouldn’t you shoot an alligator?
He’ll just bite the bullet and make the best of it.
What do you get when you cross a goblin, a stop sign, and immortality?
An everlasting gobstopper!
Sometimes, all you need is to shake a few trees to find the perfect peach for you.
I went into a pet shop and said: "I would like a pet parrot for my daughter."
Confused, the owner replied: "Sorry, we don't do swaps."
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