What do you call a lesbian dinosaur A lickalotopis
I have an idea for a chain of Elvis steak houses.
It will be for people who love meat tender.
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle? – An Orange County Chopper.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
Goat milk?
What happened to the vet that was accused of negligence? They were sued for meow-practice
Are you a needle? Because you are sew special to me.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
Why did the basketball player sign up for a crafting class?
He wanted to learn how to make baskets.
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
What did the sarcastic otter say?
I think you’ve confused me with someone who builds a dam.
How do you get rid of a witch’s hex?
Draw a hex-a-gone.
When does the moon gets his/her stomach full? During full moon.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
To get with the times, Grammar Nazi's have changed their name.
They now prefer to go by Alt-writists.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
What do werewolf like for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
I went to a restaurant and had a salad. Afterward, I got an intense pain in my stomach. I visited the doctor and he told me that I had grass-troentiritis.
Why was the mouse afraid of the water?
Catfish.
Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
Serve up some Dad Jokes at your Father's Day BBQ
Make 'em eat Pop-Corn
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Take a vampire to a bar, and you don't need to ask what he wants to drink. He'll have a Bloodweiser.
When does a leprechaun cross the road?
Just like everyone - when it's green!
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
What sort of lights were on Noah’s Ark?
Flood lights.
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped in gum?
He got stuck in Orbit.
How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
Whoever slit the sheets is a good sheet slitter.
Why didn't the artist replace his kitchen sink? Because he said that if it's not baroque, don't fix it.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
What did one tidepool say to the other tidepool?
Show me your mussels!
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
Why do old artists never die? They just withdraw.
What is the similarity between a male deer and a beaver? Both have buck teeth.
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?
He’ll sink ye.
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano?
I really lava you!
My DJ friend took my advice and simplified his salad recipe.
he dropped the beet.
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