Putting on contacts without a mirror is hard
You just gotta eyeball it.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
Why was the cat not allowed on the computer? Because she tried to catch the mouse!
Who is a potato’s favorite author? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A snowmobile!
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
I’ll never leaf you.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
It’s worth a shot.
What's the difference between Cloepatra and King Arthur?
One had Camelot and one had a lot of camels.
What's the name of the funniest mountain range in the world? The Himhilarious.
What do you do when you try to bake a cherry pie for the first time and it doesn't turn out so well? Just wait for the second bite of the cherry.
What is the maggot army called? The Apple Corps.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite video game, well it's definitely 'Super Princess Peach'.
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
I joined a support group for former computer hackers.
Anonymous Anonymous.
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
I was struggling to find out how lightning works. And then it struck me.
What do you call a zoo that has only giraffes in it?
Giraffic Park.
Where do you get frog's eggs?
At the spawn shop.
If the wooden face mask was popularized by Jacques Plante, was the wooden
cup made popular by Jock Plank?
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
You met all of my koala-fications
What kind of spells do leprechauns use?
Lucky Charms!
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
How is bacon like southern Europe?
It's got a lot of Greece in it.
Why did the hotel staff dress as witches for Halloween?
Because they provided broom service!
Q: Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?
A: They have appeal.
Where do most horses work for their first job?
Re-tail stores.
We did not understand what the mother turtle was saying because it was all in ridleys.
How rare is an excellent father?
Legen-daddy
I don't know where I put my queen after the last chess game.
Maybe she's lost I need to check.
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
How does an antisocial crow say about a family party? "It was murder".
Two fish are swimming in a river, when one of them hits a concrete wall. He turns to the other and says: "Dam"
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
My pet seal was getting a bit old and wrinkly
...so I bought a seal iron
Why are people in big cities in Spain always dry?
Because the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
What does a runner lose after winning the race?
His breath.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
How did the coconut hit on the pineapple? It said ” you are the pina to my colada.”
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
Did you hear that there’s a webpage for people who suffer from chronic eye pain?
It’s a site for sore eyes.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
Go to BabaMail
