What symbolizes a goat’s family tree?
A goat of arms.
Don’t be a wet noodle – join us!
I named my phone "The Titanic" because it's always syncing.
All you need is a little vitamin sea.
When you want to propose to a person who loves strawberries, just say, "I love you berry much."
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
What do you call an ant that moves to another country?
An emigr-ant.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts.
Why do dinosaurs eat their food raw? Cause they don't know how to cook
What do you call an alligator who’s your friend?
A pal-igator.
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
No one likes eating outside in the winter.
It’s frost come, frost served.
Bookworms take shelfies.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
What do bats say to vampires?
“You suck!”
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
Drinking tea while being too calm can kill you, did you know?
It's called a casual tea.
I'm not like other keyboards...
I'm qwerty
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud.
Would they get two minutes for tripping?
Not if they spliff the defence.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
I hate it when the grammar Nazis single me out.
It seems like a which hunt.
Why did the bunny bang his head on the piano? He was playing by ear!
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
"You can't sip with us."
What did the art teacher say to the aspiring actress? You sure look the art.
What did the florist say when it was springtime?
Business is blooming!
Why was the skeleton so lonely?
He had no body.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
Why doesn’t the sun go to college? Because it has a million degrees!
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
What do cows get when they are sick? Hay Fever.
Nowadays, people drought the accuracy of weather men because the climatic patterns are so unpredictable.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
How are a volleyball coach and a dentist similar? They both use drills.
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
Why did Frankenstein turn to solar?
For the free charge.
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