How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie? 3.14159265.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
What do cows get when they are sick? Hay Fever.
What is the name of Santa’s rudest deer?
Rude-olph.
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Why do words and punctuation end up in court? To be sentenced.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Oh buoy – we’re having a splash bash!
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
What do you call a witch's spotless garage?
A broom closet.
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
I yam rooting for you my sweet potato and I won't mash your heart
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? Bullogna
I was sick, and my whole body turned colorful. The doctor took a look and said that I had a color infection, which is caused by the Crayola virus.s
What do horses like to put on their egg salad sandwiches?
MayoNAYS!
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
Billy turned in his art project and his teacher said, “This piece of paper has nothing on it?”
Billy replied “I know, I drew a blank.”
Sloths never kiss on the first date, they take it slow.
France – it’s just a oui bit different!
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
Rabbits are trying to eat away my old Toyota!
Mechanic said it could be car rot.
Where are neurons put in jail when they commit a crime?
A nerve cell.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
55. How do you tell a car you are supporting it?
‘We are routing for you!’
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
We did not understand what the mother turtle was saying because it was all in ridleys.
I took a walk down by the river the other day and I heard two birds speaking Spanish...
Turns out they were Portu-Geese.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Why did the fisherman start doing drugs?
Pier pressure.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
What does Santa Claus say when he flies through a rainbow? Hue hue hue, merry Christmas!
These sea monster jokes are so funny.
They had me kraken!
How many brothers do robots have?
None. They only have transistors.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Did you know alligators can grow up to 18 feet?
But most of them only have four!
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
What did the beaver say to the river? Meet me around the bend.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
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