What do you get when you cross an alligator and a poison frog?
A croakadile.
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
When we spill soup on the comic book, we will get soup-erman.
There was a terrible fire at the shoe factory today...
Over a million soles were lost.
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
Is your nickname cream cheese? Because you’re about to get bageled.
She has high elf-esteem.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
Why don't alligators like fast food?
Because it is difficult to catch.
What do you call a Grizzly at a nude beach?
Bear Naked.
People say nothing rhymes with orange. It seems very strange to me.
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
When my friend Frank died, his body was cremated and his ashes were placed in a decorative German beer tankard.
Now he's Frank in stein.
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
What is a cat’s favorite deal? Buy one, get one furry.
The scarecrow won an award because it had been excellent in its field.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
What is Dr. Frankenstein’s favorite part of a company?
Human resources.
What do they call the Hunger Games in France?
Battle Royale with Cheese.
I've already heard seven cancer puns today.
If I hear tumor it's gonna benign.
What kind of cats love to go bowling? Alley cats!
What happens when a koala drinks too much alcohol? He gets a bear gut.
Did you hear the results of the game between the beach and the ocean?
It's tide.
What do you call a fish whith a car? A carfish!
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
What did the horse say to his friend that didn’t come party last night?
You didn’t turnout.
What do football players wear on their heads? Helminth
What would a peach say to its girlfriend or boyfriend? – “You will always have a peach of my heart, baby!”
Why don't anarchists drink green tea?
Because it helps fight free radicals.
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.Someone got hurt from a fistful of grass thrown at them with force. When they pressed charges, the cops charged the culprit with physical grass-ault.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
How do officials start the races at the pink bird olympics? They say three... two... one... flaminGO!
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears? Anything you want, it can't hear you!
How does an ice cream cone congratulate you on the anniversary of your birth?
It’s sherbert day!
Up to snow good.
What’s a Movers favorite football team?
The Packers!
“Deck the Halls with Bows on Collies.”
I just beat my friend in a Wild West themed art race!
I was quicker to the draw.
What do you call a reptile that works on a farm?
An irri-gator.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
What are the benefits of city buses using green fuel? They’ll always be on thyme.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
Who led the Jews across a semi-permeable membrane?
OsMoses.
What did his wife give the guy when he came home all sweaty from his run?
The stink eye.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Is your iPad making you fall asleep?
I can help—there’s a nap for that.
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