What do you call a cow that has 2 legs? Side of beef
Jack is a lovable man with a colorful personality. He is a great hue-man.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice burg-ers.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up
What do you call a thriller movie involving cars?
Suspension movie.
Why did the pumpkin cross the road? It fell off the wagon!
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
What is it called when two Irish couples go out on a date?
Dublin date.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall — hope you do too!
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
When can 3 elephants stand under 1 umbrella and not get wet?
When it’s not raining.
What do you call a fairy that doesn’t like to shower?
Stinkerbell.
I was recently fired from my job operating rides at the carnival
My lawyer has advised suing for funfair dismissal.
What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What did the annoyed peach say to the mango?
Man-go away!
Q: Why is there so much wind inside a sports arena?
A: Because of all the fans.
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
What do you call 2000 mockingbirds?
2 kilo mockingbird
How do French skeletons say hello?
- Bone-jour!
Imagine an imaginary menagerie manager managing an imaginary menagerie.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
Why did the worm cross the playground?
To get to the underground slide!
No matter how much she trimmed the particular strand of grass, the unruly grass kept on growing- what a grass-cal!
What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?
They have a shell-ebration.
At What Time Does A Duck Wake Up?
At the quack of dawn.
What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
Your mother ate us out of house and home.
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
What do koalas do when they’re facing a tough situation? They grin and bear it.
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
A well-loved parrot died, and was digitally immortalized in a 3D rendering.
Polygon but not forgotten.
Q. Where do Midwest does prefer to give birth?
A. Deerborn, Michigan.
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
Sunshine on a Woman's Day?
Broad-day light.
Why did the bus stop in the middle of the street? It saw a zebra crossing.
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:
"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."
He was not impressed.
Did you hear about the battery and the volleyball who got into a fight? The volleyball is waiting to go to church and the battery was charged.
When your putt lips out, what disease do you have?
Liprocy.
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
Go to BabaMail
