The refs kept calling interference, even though goalmouth incidents were in
de-crease.
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
Scientists transformed a tiger into a horse.
Don't worry, it's in a stable condition.
What did mother werewolf say to the naughty boy werewolf?
- We're werewolves, not swear-wolves.
An organization that citricises its workers cannot get the maximum juice out of them.
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
Why Was The Teacher Annoyed With The Duck?
Because he wouldn't quit quackin' jokes!
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
How did the close race between the rabbit and the tortoise end? It was won by a hare!
What did the worm say to the other when he was late home? Where in earth have you been.
Why these days, the Moon is up till so late? Don’t worry, it is just going through a phase.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A baked potato.
Twin brothers just had a birthday
One turned twenty. The other turned twenty too.
Who was the fastest runner of all time?
Adam. He was the first in the human race.
I'm investigating the tooth fairy, and it's going well...
I've managed to get a molar into her operation. I'm going to find out the tooth at the root of all this.
I was gonna make a river joke, but I don't think it's current.
Another cheese factory in France exploded...
I Camembert to hear this joke again!
Are you a drum? Because my heart beats for you.
My wife asked me to pass her lip balm.
I gave her superglue instead.
She's still not talking to me.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
I don’t care if all of the other giants see me as a big joke for filing a restraining order on a guy I’ve got 75 feet on.
Beanstalked is a serious matter.
Why’d did the cowboy have a wiener dog?
Someone told him to get a long little doggie
Why didn’t the two algae ever have se*?
Because they had a planktonic relationship
Why did the ice cream truck break down?
There was a rocky road.
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
How do turtles communicate with each other?
With shell phones.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire.
Fire-works on 4th of July.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
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