How do you kill a troll?
Take away its internet access.
Why did the portrait artist take a side job as a census taker? Because he was great at canvassing people.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
I don’t know why everyone is so upset about untraditional family structures, it’s been happening in the animal world for years. For example, all water buffalos have three parents.
One oxygen buffalo and two hydrogen buffalos.
Why do owls shower so often?
So they don’t smell fowl.
Who in the hell names their son “Tiger” ?
Only people in the Woods’
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
Q: What did the wind turbine say to the engineer after he fixed him?
A: I’m a big fan of your work!
Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?
Because it needed a filling.
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
Q: What did Julius Caesar’s pet windmill say?
A: I came, I spun, I conquered.
That’s a bit mulch.
After 30 years of marriage, I can both proudly and firmly declare that I still wear the pants in my family...
My wife just tells me which ones to wear.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
We make a great pear
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
What do you call a computer that plays tennis?
A server
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
My parents used my Uber to go and file the application ending their marriage.
I gave the driver one star. He drove my parents to divorce.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
Skier in ER: Doc, I slipped on my way to the chairlift.
Doctor: Icy.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
Why was the Pirate sad when his parrot left him?.
It gave him the cold shoulder.
Why wouldn’t the papa bear use a navigation system in his truck?
Because he never lost his bearings.
What did the boyfriend mouse say too the girlfriend mouse family? Mice too meet you.
What did the beaver say after she slipped in water?
Dam it.
The artist painted himself into a corner, leading to his death.
My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.
She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
Luke Luck likes lakes.
Luke's duck likes lakes.
Luke Luck licks lakes.
Luck's duck licks lakes.
Duck takes licks in lakes Luke Luck likes.
Luke Luck takes licks in lakes duck likes.
Did you ever hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Well, well, well.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
Where do frogs leave their hats and coats?
In the croakroom.
The bread did not believe that he could work at his job much longer. He was feeling too crusty.
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby? An Appletini.
What do you get when you spill soup on a comic book? Souperman.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
What happened to the renegade donuts?
They went down in a glaze of glory.
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
If you get married out on sea or in a boat...
is that a row-mance?
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
I was under the blues, so I had to blue my nose occasionally.
Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
He’s my pinch charming.
I just learned how to speak parrot.
I just learned how to speak parrot.
Go to BabaMail
