Cutest clover in the patch.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
How do you know it’s cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get
chocolate ice cream.
What cheese cries the most?
Babybel.
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
I know a man whose last name is Storm
He has three daughters: Summer, April, and Haley.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
For instant fun, just add water.
What did the waitress say to the customer who wanted free guacamole?
“You can kiss my Hass.“
Did you know that Beethoven's favorite fruit
Ba Na Na Naaa...Ba Na Na Naaa...
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
What killed the painter? He had too many strokes.
What do you get when you dump your Easter eggs on a hill?
A spring roll!
Be careful this Easter
There is a lot of basket cases out there.
What happened to the man who didn’t pay his exorcist? His house was repossessed.
Green seemed to disappear from the rainbow it came back in full force, olive and kicking.
Make your own decisions this summer, don’t give in to pier pressure.
What does a panda use to cook his pancakes?
A pan duhhhh!
What does the father deer say to the mother deer to show his love?
“I love you deerly!”
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
If you put your ear up to a Taco Shell
You can hear the Sí.
Why do pandas like old movies?
Because they’re in black and white.
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
I’ll always be running-back to you.
Did you hear ISIS is spreading to Italy?
Nobody's concerned though, since it's just Italian ISIS and they're delicious. Especially cherry flavor.
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind?
A maybee
Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
Why do words and punctuation end up in court? To be sentenced.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
What did the Easter bunny say about the Easter parade?It was eggs-cellent.
Did you hear about those really bad storms that hit that boy scout camp over night?
They were in tents.
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
When do franks tell insults? At a wienie roast!
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
What always succeeds? A toothless parrot! (sucks seeds)
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
Where do horses live in Harry Potter?
Diagonal Alley.
What did one cactus say to the other cactus ?
"Lookin sharp !"
What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?
Ones a crustaecian and the other is a crushed Asian.
What does Spider-man become when he joins the circus?
an aracnobat.
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
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