Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to let me in?.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
Which rangy centre could cover the whole ice? Jean Umbrelliveau.
What did the maggot say to another?
What's a nice maggot like you doing in a joint like this?
A man went to the gym today and met up with his new personal rainer.
I asked a pink bird who its favourite artist was. It looked at me strangely and replied “Flamingo Starr, of course.”
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
What do you call a polyarmourus deceased gorilla?
Harembe.
It was reported that a tiger recently exploded in the forest fire. They say it was a Royal Bang-al Tiger.
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
Why was the IT guy in the hospital?
He touched the firewall.
I recently got told ketchup doesn't actually use tomatoes
But I can't find a reliable sauce on that.
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
Can an Australian with poor vision clearly see the moon?
No, but a "good eye might."
What do you call a parallelogram that's also your parent's mother?
A parallelogramma
What did the drug diller say to the duck?
Are you on quack?
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
A strawberry who is a thief is called a rob-berry
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
What will you get if you cross an ice bear and a running tiger? Frostbite.
I had a bet on a giraffe race yesterday but my selection lost.
It was nowhere near winning – it lost by a neck.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
Say it ain’t snow.
I ordered won ton for my large family today.
2000 lbs of soup goes a long way.
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
What do you call a meal from the moon?
A satellite dish.
Why are the Irish so concerned about global warming?
They’re really into green living.
What do you call Mary J Blige’s accommodating Irish cousin?
Mary O’Blige.
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
Do You Know How Crabs Get Around On Land?
They Use The Sidewalk!
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
Chances are both will end up in the gutter.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate? A Kitty Kat bar!
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
What do pig’s use as soap? Hogwash.
How did the octopuses win the football match?
Ten tackles
It's a-boat time for a holiday!
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
How do you apologize to a koala? BEAR your heart and soul.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
He has some good puns on crows, but he doesn’t have to keep crowing about it.
I went to my girlfriend's soccer match for the first time last weekend. She kept grabbing the ball with her hands.
She's a keeper.
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
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