Everyone wondered why Cinderella was such a bad player. If only they knew, her coach was a pumpkin.
Changed all my passwords to Kenny.
Now all I have are Kenny Loggins.
Remember the band that did that rock cover of “walk like an Egyptian’ by The Bangles?
Pharaohsmith.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
What do you drive in a river? An otter-mobile.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
"It's been an emotional day," said the groom. "Even the cake is in tiers."
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a hyena?
A monster with a sense of humor.
How one snowman greets the other one?
Ice to meet you.
What language do they speak in Italy
Times New Roman.
What do you get when you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
What does the iron-deficient giant say?
- Fi fo fum.
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
Two friends were hanging out. One asks the other: "Hey, do you know about the famous detective that can't do bowel movements?"
The other friend replies: "No sh** Sherlock, of course I do!"
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
What fruit do vampire bats like the best?
Neck-tarines.
What's a chef's favourite drug?
Pot.
Why didn't the corn chip advocate wear shoes?
They believed in Fritos.
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
How does the Easter Bunny stay fit?
Egg ercise.
What happens when you turn on a computer?
You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk.
Why did the skier from Helsinki dominate the downhill slalom competition?
He led the race from start to Finnish.
Four types of weather were having a race. Sunny won gold, cloudy got silver, snowy picked up a bronze, and rainy won a precipitation award.
The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man’s wife
Happy Mother’s Day!
What’s the best time for Frankenstein to go to a party?
Fright now.
From the b-autumn of my heart, I love fall!
Is that the Dog star? You can’t be Sirius!
What is the Abominable Snowman's favourite type of cup?
A yeti.
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
What's an owl's favorite subject at school?
Owl-gebra.
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
Another cheese factory in France exploded...
I Camembert to hear this joke again!
What do you get if you cross a baseball pitcher and a carpet?
A throw rug.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
How many saws could a see-saw saw if a see-saw could saw saws?
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