Why did the Easter Bunny go to the doctor?
It was time for his annual eggzam.
Why did the ski instructor ask for a divorce?
He found out his wife is a real flake.
Ice cream trucks are pretty hardy, but they will break down if they drive over the rocky road.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
Why are goats from France musical?
Because they have French horns.
What do polar bears have for lunch?
Ice burgers.
What’s the difference between a gross bus stop and a crab with large breasts?
One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
Away from their official duties, soccer players love dancing at a soccer ball.
After I show a peach the way, it says: “I really ap-peach-iate your help!”
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
What did Santa name his dog? Santa Paws!
What’s a deer’s favorite place to get ice cream?
Deery Queen.
Aloha is a soft laugh.
My brother gave me whole milk, but I can only have nut milk with my cereal. How dairy!
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
It’s roar birthday!
Where are dramatic hard drives from?
Oh I/O
Who are the cousins of the werewolf?
What-wolf and When-wolf
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
Through three cheese trees three free fleas flew.
While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew.
Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze.
Freezy trees made these trees' cheese freeze.
That's what made these three free fleas sneeze.
What kind of alcohol do flowers drink?
Rosé.
What kind of potato do you want to take home to your parents? A sweet potato.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
During holidays, soccer referees send their families yellow cards.
Q. Which kind of cheese is made fom deer milk?
A. Moose-erella.
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
I thought Lord Of The Flies was about entomology.
It really bugs me that it isn't.
I knew a guy that got struck by lightning twice.
It was a re-volting scene.
What do you call a reindeer ghost? A cari-boo!
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
Why are cars so cheeky?
Because they are fuel of it.
What is the biggest ant in the world?
An elephant.
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
Why are nuns such great sprint runners?
'Cause they're used to being chaste.
I don’t want naan of that. Neither do I!
What’s a donut’s favorite lullaby?
“Sprinkle, Sprinkle Little Star.”
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