Whats a bad flower pick-up line?
Lets put our tulips together?
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
Why can't pencils move?
Because they are stationery.
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
Q: What did the cloud say to the lightning bolt?
A: You're shocking!
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
Q: Why did the little clouds idolize the big cloud?
A: Because he was the raining champion.
What is the best way for fungi to grow? You must give it as mushroom as possible!
What type of sandals do frogs wear?
Open-toad!
I want to tell you an excellent ice pun, but the problem is that it’s just slipped my mind.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
Why do ghouls like ice cream?
Because it’s ghoulilicous!
Why are artists so temperamental? They have to get into the right frame of mind.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
What did summer say to spring?
Help – I’m about to fall!
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
Why do Bigfoots like to tell jokes?
Because they're killer comedians.
What is a cat’s favorite game to play with a mouse? Catch!
How does a vampire make tea? With a used tampon.
I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.
Many people have a mythical belief about soup. It is called soup–erstition.
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror ? Halloumi (Hello me)
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
Did you like my HTTP 200 joke?
It was OK.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
"IT’S A LIEEEEE!!"
Why did the college football team stop smoking
They lost all their matches.
I thought the play was frightful but I saw it under particularly unfortunate circumstances - the curtain was up.
I was recently fired from my job operating rides at the carnival
My lawyer has advised suing for funfair dismissal.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
Why do you cry, Willy?
Why do you cry?
Why, Willy?
Why, Willy?
Why, Willy? Why?
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo? Hop on!
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Tell him I can't see him right now."
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
Why do ghosts like elevators? They raise their spirits.
What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
Having rumpled clothing is a pressing issue, but I am sure that I can iron out a solution.
A strawberry screamed at the other, "Were it not that ripe, we wouldn't have ended up in this jam."
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