My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins
It’s the weight and C approach I guess.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
What happened to the pirate ship that sank in a sea full of sharks?
It came back with a skeleton crew.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position!
What problem did the young bat experience?
The hangout.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
Are you a 30 degree angle? Because you're acute-y.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
He planted a light bulb and thought he'd get a power plant.
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
Which LA King was the total package? Parcel Dionne.
A spider called a tech support office.
He needed help connecting to the web.
When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
All clover the world.
I shot the city sheriff.
I shot the city sheriff.
I shot the city sheriff.
I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved…
but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant.
Why did the monkey like the banana? Because it had appeal!
What do you call a mosquito sitting on your spouse’s cheek?
A golden opportunity.
Wind turbines don’t talk about much. They just shoot the breeze.
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
What's a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis.
I couldn't stop laughing when my father warned my brother, saying, "If you hack my Microsoft Office, I will find you, you have my Word".
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. I couldn't keep the space clean.
What soup killed Rob Stark? Italian Wedding Massacre.
If you don't focus on learning your lines for the production, I shutter to imagine what the reviewers will snap about.
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
Q: What is a wind turbine’s favorite musical group?
A: Air Supply
Tennis matches and strawberry jam have one thing in common. Cons-serve.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
How did the coconut hit on the pineapple? It said ” you are the pina to my colada.”
What is most gorillas' favorite book to study in English class at high school?
The Apes Of Wrath.
What do we call the basketball team that won the donuts championships? – dunkin donuts.
I used to get a nasty electric shock every time I touched something metallic. But thankfully I’m cured.
I’m ex-static!
What did the deer write in his journal every day? Deer diary.
My cat just cut the grass.
She's a lawn meower.
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
What do you call it when Satan steals your guacamole?
Playing Devil’s Avocado.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
What is in the middle of dinosaurs ? The letter "s"!
The glass eyeball manufacturer is having a promotion
An eye for an eye.
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