How did the skeleton know the other skeleton was lying?
He could see right through him.
How do ghouls like their meals?
Runny!
Did you hear about the girl who put gorilla glue in her hair?
Her stupidity knew no bonds
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
Finally, the soccer ball decided to quit the team. The reason behind its move was that it was tied of being kicked around.
What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
Q. Why doesn't a big gorilla have to flush the toilet?
A. He scares the sh*t out of it!
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table?
She was hogging all the food!
H20 is water, but what is H204?
It’s for swimming and drinking, of course.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
How do you catch a unique tiger?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame tiger?
Tame way.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
A flamingo only ever asks for a plaster when it hurts its pinky.
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
Why did the monster call his werewolf “Frost”?
Because frost bites!
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
Prisoner: "I’m sorry I tried to escape."
Guard: "I’m not mad, just… disappointed."
Remember, kids, never let your guard down.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
Bread is like the sun, it rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
There are so much beautiful sceneries near the river valleys. They are totally gorges.
I left my job at the Chinese restaurant and took my favourite frying pan, until I heard the owner yell...
"Don’t wok away from me!"
What’s happens to the sportiest horse?
It gets to be first horse-pick of the draft.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
Why are Catholics the best runners during the Easter season?
They fast during Lent!
I like celebrating Fathers' Day, but I'm not a dad.
I guess I'm just a faux pas.
Why are sponges and brains similar?
They both like to soak up "material"
Which Bible Character is a locksmith?
Zaccheus.
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
What do you call a kangaroo in Africa?
Lost.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
Why are nuns such great sprint runners?
'Cause they're used to being chaste.
What do you call cheese that is acting crazy? A basket queso.
What did the young Toyota say to his mother when she asked what he wanted for dinner?
Taco ma
What do you think holds the moon up? Moonbeams.
Sometime flamingos get fixated on one thing, and it can be hard to get them to see things from another pers-peck-tive.
What kind of pasta do skeletons enjoy eating the most?
Elbow macaroni.
Why don’t anteaters get sick?
Because they’re full of antibodies.
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers.
Why do chickens rinse their mouth out with soap?
Because of all the fowl language.
My ex-husband was very responsible. If anything went wrong, he was usually responsible for it.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
What is a doctor's favorite element?
Healium.
The storm was sad so we called it the sigh-clone.
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
The Leaning Tower of Pisa is in Italy
So it’s italicized!
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