What do you call a Belgian who's bad at grammar?
An twerp.
Why does a duck say quack?
Because it can’t say moo.
Did You Hear About The Duck Who Thought He Was a Squirrel?
It was one tough nut to quack.
What did the monochrome say to the rainbow?
Oh no! My arch nemesis!
What position does a ghoul play on the soccer team?
Ghoulie!
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
Q: Why do windmills love loud, heavy rock music?
A: They’re metal fans.
What would you call a vampire who is into finance?
Account Dracula.
During the divorce, the judge couldn't decide who got the shack in the backyard, despite our numerous arguments.
It was a case of he shed, she shed.
Did you hear about the goblin that got his left arm and left leg cut off?
Well don't worry, he's all right now.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
Wondering what crows wear during Halloween, well, they wear caw-stumes.
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
How do you call stage diving at Oktoberfest?
Krautsurfing.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
Why did St. Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?
It was too expensive to fly and too long to walk.
My keyboard is missing a key. I lost ctrl.
What do you do to a female news anchor who breaks a leg?
You put her in a broadcast.
What do you call a group of crows who see food?
A tempted murder.
Why do you need a password to make a camp fire?
So you can log in.
Why do birds fly south in the fall?
Because it’s too far to walk.
Want to hear a joke about paper?
Nevermind, it's tearrible.
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t like being known about-?
Anonymouse.
"Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"
"No sun."
I ordered won ton for my large family today.
2000 lbs of soup goes a long way.
Electric cars can't get exhausted...
...but they can get wheely tired.
What do you call the Earth when it is quaking?
Shakesphere.
What did the Tyrannosaurus rex get after mopping the floor? Dino-sore!
How do you offer a camel tea?
"One hump or two?"
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
What is a computer's favorite animal?
A RAM.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
The divorce lawyer told me to get my affairs in order.
I said, "alphabetically or by age?"
Why did you act like that at Thanksgiving dinner? I yam what I yam.
What do you call a boy and girl playing blues music? The battle of the saxes.
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
What sits in a tree and says "Hoots mon, hoots mon?"
A Scottish owl.
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant? Very big worm holes in your garden.
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
I personally think bunnies are ear-resistible.
- Hey, graduate student Minotaur, what are you up to today?
- Not much, just working on my Theseus.
There might be other fish in the sea, but you’re my sole mate
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
What did the disappointed deer say? Oh deer!
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