Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
[Water Slide] I was going to get some work done, but I decided to let it slide.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns! What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A "hollow-weenie!"
Why did the panda’s joke suck?
It was unbearable.
On Mother's Day we went strawberry picking and made a jam from the fruits of our labor.
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
I beacha miss summer already!
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
Diving into shallow water could lead to jumping to wrong conclusions.
It’s never great taking a truck driver to the cinema to watch a film. They only really like the trailers.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
Q. How do does and fawns fly from place to place?
A. In a deer-igible
What is a favorite game for ghouls?
Chase!
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
Just can't get away from my broken keyboard. There's no escape.
My father gave me a peach. I told him that I wanted a pear. So he gave me another peach.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
and the second one Duplikate.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
The bowling team of which I am captain is known lightning. This is because we get countless strikes.
What do you call a sloth that barely moves a muscle? A slow-off (show off).
What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
A round of Santa-plause, please.
How do knights communicate?
They use chain mail.
A man was about to propose to his fiancé but as soon as he got down on his knees, she started laughing.
It was a fun knee moment.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
What happens when you cross a cell phone with a skunk?
You get stinky service!
What is ice cream’s favorite day of the week?
Sundae.
What did the lighter color shade tell to its dark lover?
I want hue
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
Blue and green stopped fighting because they had agreed on peace teal.
Wind energy is so popular. It has a lot of fans.
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized I'm in Seine.
What did the snail say as he slipped down the wall? How slime flies!
I’m going green, if you know what I mean.
"Now he's just some bunny that I used to know."
What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hot dog and a Fenway Park hot dog? You can buy a Yankee Stadium hot dog in October.
“Feliz navi-dog!”
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
My Dad told me why Busch is the only brand of beer he ever drinks.
"It's the only beer that says it's name when you open it."
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