Why was the Navy Seal sad?
He doesn't like the color blue.
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
What’s black and white, has four legs and a trunk?
Two pandas on holiday.
Why should you be careful not to insult a crocodile?
It may come back to bite you in the butt.
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
Why doesn’t anyone invite an ice cream cone to their party?
They’re a drip.
What is a gorillas favourite ice cream flavour.
Chocolate chimp.
What is a pink bird's favorite dance? Flamin-tango.
What kind of computer does a worm have? A Macintosh.
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
What do you get when you cross a snake and a frog?
A jump rope.
What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden Seizure salad
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
What happened when an orange, an apple, and a banana all went on a picnic together?
They had a “fruit-ful” day.
The male pig puts everyone to sleep.
You might say he’s quite a boar.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tell it a funny Halloween joke and see which end laughs!
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
What do you call an ogre in an accident?
A car Shrek.
Q. What's on display at the Canadian Moose Museum?
A. Mod deer 'n art.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
Q. What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
tss
What do whales like to chew?
Blubber gum.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
What trees do ghouls like best?
Ceme-trees!
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
According to pig etiquette, piglets are meant to be porcine and not heard.
What did the angry witch do after sitting on her broomstick?
She flew off the handle.
I told the artist that his painting was terrible. I think he got the picture.
How do you buy a cat, if the pet store is closed?
You buy it from the cat-alog!
How can you tell that a zombie used to be a father?
By his dead bod.
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
Why don’t elephants use computers?
Because they’re afraid of the mouse.
I’ll try to keep it brief, but I have so much to Marseilles about France.
I accidently sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent.
Why do werewolves do well at school?
Because every time they’re asked a question, they come up with a snappy answer!
What do you call a goblin brigand?
A robgoblin.
Why did the volleyball players like to practice in the library? Their coach said that they’d be doing some reading today.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
I used to think that all radios had antennae, then I realized it was a stereo type.
Lost on a mountain, you can collect rainwater to drink during storms.
Otherwise, you just have to make dew.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
What is the difference between a fish and a piano? You can't tuna fish.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
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