What did the fawn say to warn her friend about the haunted house?
“Don’t go deer!”
Dad: Where do desert nomads buy their camels?
Son: I dunno. Where?
Dad: at Camelot.
The color of the sky can help in predicting the weather. It gives a fair report of the hue-midity.
What made the dinosaur's car stop ? A flat Tire-annosaurus!
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.
Wife was in the hospital and the nurse said she was calling the doctor to put in an IV
When he showed up, I said to him "I thought there'd be four of you".
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
What do you call a witch that lives in the desert?
A sand-witch.
What’s the biggest difference between Thanksgiving and April Fool’s Day?
On one you’re thankful but on the other you’re prankful.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
Have you heard about the latest restaurant that opened up on moon?
No, how is that restaurant?
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
A man just attacked me with cheese and milk.
How dairy!
What do you call a Tyrannosaurus under stress?
A nervous rex.
What is a doctor's favorite element?
Healium.
What do sharks order at McDonalds?
A quarter flounder.
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
What is a cannibal's favourite cheese? Limburger
What is a dentist’s favorite hymn?
Crown Him with Many Crowns
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
A strawberry's favorite celebrity is Mary Berry.
My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
What flavor of ice cream do vampires like best?
Vein-illa!
What do you call a Koala that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
Where do beavers go for a hair cut? To the bobber shop.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
If you cross a bee and a lizard, you'll get a blizzard!
Did you hear about the watchmaker who is half Spanish and half Irish?
His name is Juan O'Clock.
We are mint to be.
No need to light a night-light on a light night like tonight.
What did the bat say to the diabetic? Nice knawing you!
What did one bread say to another after a long day? Don’t worry because tomorrow will be butter.
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
Did you hear about the farm dog who liked to strip ears of corn?
He was part husky!
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
My fat parrot escaped from its cage... To be honest, it's a weight off my shoulders!
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Why do witches only ride their broomsticks at night?
That's the time to sweep.
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