What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up! Why did the blonde put a sweater on her hot dog? Because she wanted a chili dog.
What song did Kenny Rogers write after his cowboy boot broke?
“You picked a fine time to leave me, Loose Heel.”
A ghost's favourite pie flavour is boo-berry.
How do geologists like to relax? In rocking chairs, of course!
Some airplanes are so cramped that at the end of the trip, you suffer jet leg.
What did the koala say to his girlfriend?
I love you-calpytus.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
Don't get too close to a vampire, they have a serious case of bat breath.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
How does an elf get to Santa's workshop? By icicle.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
What did one water bottle ask the other water bottle?
Water you doing today?
Happy Valentine's day.
Such a Lovely day.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
I like celebrating Fathers' Day, but I'm not a dad.
I guess I'm just a faux pas.
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
Best in snow.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
I saw a lion in a bar, trying to pick up a lioness literally half his age
and I'm like "man, you must have *no* pride"
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
Which color is the fastest?
Red, because it is always redy.
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided if the cowboy city planners had just made their towns big enough for everyone.
What is a vampire who loves eating strawberry jam called? A jampire.
I started a job making plastic Dracula figurines but there’s only two of us in the production line.
I have to make every second Count.
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
The calm before the score
No, I'm not concerned about crows infesting my house...
It's actually just a mynah problem.
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
What did the water in the fire truck say when it came to a sudden stop?
I'm baffled.
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
What do you call it when pigs attack you?
A hambush.
Which car is a Ghost’s favourite? It is between a Boogatti or a Rolls-Royce Phantom.
Did you know Karl Marx's sister invented the starting pistol?
Her name was Onya Marx.
What is a werewolf’s favorite drink?
Moonshine.
What do you call a little ghost with a torn sheet? A hole-y terror.
What’s a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
I used to be addicted to time travel,
but that's all in the past now.
What’s a deer’s go-to ice cream flavor?
Cookie-doe.
When the basketball realized all the checks were bouncing, he decided to visit the bank himself to find out.
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "Hold it! We don't serve minors here."
What do you call a monkey who can’t keep a secret?
A blab-boon.
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