What do you call a spinning potato? A rotate-o.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
What kind of hats does the skeleton baseball league wear?
Skullcaps.
How many grammar cops does it take to change a light bulb?
Too.
What do you get if you cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle neck jumper.
He ordered 6 vodkas, 6 beers and 6 lemonades. The bartender asked if he would like a tray.
"No I have enough to carry as it is."
Why did the otter cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
Join us for a slice of fun.
A detective was interviewing the victim of an assault.
The victim described the assailant as a leather box with a handle on it. The culprit was arrested 30 minutes later.
It was a brief case.
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
My marriage is slowly turning into a melon farm. I keep hearing Honeydew this, Honeydew that.
What do you call a police officer who plays the drums?
A beat cop.
Why did Italy surrender in WW2?
Because Italics aren't bold.
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
It's ok to be negative if you find yourself in a thunderstorm.
You probably won't get struck by lightning.
What did the cow who barged the other cow say?
Moo-ve!
Where do restless travelers like to go?
To Rome.
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.
Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.
What do you call a man with no legs and no arms resting on a porch?
Matt.
Why don’t readers have extra time? They’re booked.
I squeezed a lemon on my wife's lap two hours ago...
She's been a sourpuss about it ever since.
What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?
One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. OUCH.
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
Do not be sad because of these bad words. You are always a fineapple in my heart.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
What do you use to brush a dead cat? A catacomb!
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
Q. What's on display at the Canadian Moose Museum?
A. Mod deer 'n art.
I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.
What do you drive in a river? An otter-mobile.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
"For peep's sake."
Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
Hunting elephants is illegal as ivory well know.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
You will always have
a pizza of my heart.
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
What do you call someone who rips up books?
A tear-orist.
What do seals do when they need medical attention?
Sea kelp.
Why don’t chickens wear pants?
Their peckers are on their face.
How do you write a book about Bats? With a ghostwriter.
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