What do llamas say when you tell them something obvious?
“No spit, Sherlock.”
Oh buoy – we’re having a splash bash!
Deep sea diving is so dangerous.
I just can’t fathom it.
If you travel to the future and get decapitated
You'd be ahead of your time
The high school music teacher was controversial for having his students read band books.
What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
A bird that talks your ears off.
Sloths never kiss on the first date, they take it slow.
Why don't dinosaurs ever forget? Because no one ever tells them anything!
I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time.
Every single person on my flight was reading at the same time.
The plane was fully booked.
Where do horses get their mane cut?
The hair-dressager.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
Two racquets started dating. Unfortunately, one was stringing the other along without any intention of tying the knot.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
A soda can, a gas tank and the Greek god Eros walked into a bar?
The bartender shook his head, “Here comes trouble.” A patron at the bar said, “What’s wrong?” The bartender replied, “Those guys get together and they become cantankeros.”
You didn't hear the joke about cell phones?
Probably because it had a bad reception.
Do not be sad because of these bad words. You are always a fineapple in my heart.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
How do gorillas get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
My friend who's a vampire was feeling a bit low. I told him to drink B positive.
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
Who wrote the fantasy novel How To Be A Better Baseball Player?
Ben Schwarmer.
What did Snoop Dog need to get an umbrella?
Fo’ Drizzle.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
How is Europe like a frying pan?
It has Greece at the bottom.
What would a winged horse put in the bathtub?
A pegaLush bath bomb.
Reindeer don't go to school—they're elf taught.
Does your sport shop stock short socks with spots?
Do you be-leaf in magic?
What did the zoologist and the herbalist name their child? Tiger Woods.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
What do you call it when a panda eats all of your tall grass?
Bamboozled!
An angry fruit yells at traffic in front of them
“Mango!”
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
It feels great to hit the ball again. It spin a long time.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
What is a gorillas favourite ice cream flavour.
Chocolate chimp.
What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
What do you call a cross between a donkey and a zebra?
Debra.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
The oranges hadn’t been peeling well for a week when they finally decided to seek medical attention.
Some people think nuclear physics is interesting.
Well, in my opinion it's really Bohring.
It’s never great taking a truck driver to the cinema to watch a film. They only really like the trailers.
What happened to the criminal magician who ate to much salt?
Cardiac arrest.
What superhero takes public transportation to get around? Bus Lightyear.
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