Where do beavers sleep? They sleep on a river bed.
I've always considered mountain plateaus to be the highest forms of flattery.
What would you hear at a cow concert?
Moo-sic.
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
Bowlers pay a lot of money to play. This is because it is a bum per lane.
How do the cool camels say hello?
"How you dune?"
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
Why can’t you breed a eel with and eagle?
It’s Eeleagle.
Our flamingo colleague was leaving for a new job recently. We all told him to flamingo for it.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
I can’t believe you have the de Gaulle to say that to my face.
I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”
It's true what they say about scaring vampires with a torch.
You can see it in their fright of light response.
It is now a universal truth that actions speak louder than coaches.
What did the duck say when the waitress came?
Put it on my bill.
I booked an appointment at the orthopedist for my whole family.
We got joint problems.
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
What’s the best view you can get in our galaxy? A view of the milky way from mars.
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
Had beaver curry last night.
Bit like a normal curry, just a little otter.
What does a baby volcano say to his volcano mother?
Magma
What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?
A barkeologist.
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
Is a goat that eats office supplies on a staple diet?
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
How can colors be used to predict the weather?
By their huemidity.
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?
“Lack of concentration.”
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up.
It makes me chuckle.
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
What do aliens prefer to drink?
Gravi-tea.
What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
Why is the French Prime Minister never seen in the morning?
Becasue he is pm not am!
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
What did the piece of Cheddar say to the ghost? I'm Lac-ghost intolerant
A pilot friend of mine took the flight exam and flew past a rainbow. No wonder, he passed with flying colors.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
What does a ghost wear when it’s raining outside?
Boooooooooooots.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
Reading sun puns while sunbathing make one well red.
Why didn’t the golfer get his homework done?
He wouldn’t stop puttering around.
German Wi-Fi is the WURST.
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
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