I do wonder why my flamingo friends always do so well in tests and exams. After all, they always just wing it.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
Why did the spider crawl up the elephants leg the second time?
It got pissed off the first time.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
What is a vampire’s favorite sport?
Casketball.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Which color is the fastest?
Red, because it is always redy.
My partner got mad when she found so much spam on my computer.
She said, "Food belongs on a plate!"
I’m putting an official ban on rabbit puns. They are not bunny anymore.
Every single person on my flight was reading at the same time.
The plane was fully booked.
"Did you hear how the baker proposed to his girlfriend?"
"Yeah, he told her he loafed her more than life itself"
"No, he actually told her how much he kneaded her"
How does a pod of dolphins make a decision?
They flipper coin!
What do chickens grow on?
Eggplants.
My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink
*No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the movie theatre*
Why did the skeletons stay out of the forest?
Because sticks and stones will break their bones.
The tree got so tired of fighting with autumn, that he said, "Enough is enough! I'm leaf-ing".
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
Stop looking for the perfect match..
Use a lighter!
Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
What is the favorite bread of a crow? Crow-issant.
Why did the computer parts salesman quit?
He lost his drive.
What did the dolphin say when it broke its neighbor’s window?
It wasn’t on porpoise!
Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”
The ocean doesn't like to say hello, it just waves.
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
What did the deer say when he left the barbershop?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
I love you and I ain’t lion.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
It takes one to snow one.
How does a Ghost say good-bye? - I can’t wait to seance you again.
What is an owl’s favorite Beatles’ song?
Owl you need is love.
For years, my brother wanted to be an archeologist...
But ten years in, his career lies in ruins.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
Better read than dead.
What’s a flower’s favorite band?
Guns n’ Roses.
Why don't squirrels wear skinny jeans?
Because their nuts won't fit.
Ever wonder how gorillas can be so strong when they eat mostly a plant based diet?
Cuz they don't monkey around when it comes to strength training!
What does a mermaid say when she was leaving the party?
- Sea ya later.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
Did you hear about the B I V G R O Y rainbow?
The poor thing has a deviated spectrum.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
What do you call a dinosaur that left its armor out in the rain ? A Stegosau-rust.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
I'm so glad our Billy inherited his mother's intelligence
...and I got to keep mine.
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
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