What do teachers drink at school? Facul-Tea.
Red lorry, yellow lorry.
What did one sushi roll say to the other sushi roll?
I’m soy into you.
Why do ghosts and demons get along so well? Demons are a ghoul’s best friend.
Who is a Yeti's favorite Dracula actor?
Christobrr Lee.
A router and a modem got married.
They were pronounced husbandwidth and Wifi.
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
I cannoli be happy
If I made werewolf puns, they would be howl-arious.
What’s a skeleton’s second favorite instrument?
A sax-a-bone.
Did you hear about the little people starting a beer making operation?
It's a micro brewery.
What do you call an elephant that never washes?
A smelly-phant.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
What does a bowler and a Thanksgiving guest have in common?
They both want a Turkey.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
Got a cow helping me cut the grass. He's a lawn mooer.
How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.
You don’t like my winter pun? How cold!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Anything is popsicle during summer!
What did the pineapple say to the pineapple chunk? Stay golden.
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
Q: Why couldn’t the orange believe that her friend had let her down?
A: This was because citrus-ted him!
On a recent flight, my friend asked me, "If the door suddenly opens, you think we will fall out?
I said, "No, we will still be friends."
I'm like a cow in tall grass,
I'm utterly tickled to be here.
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
What did the wife beaver say to her astronaut husband? You are otter this world.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two...
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
I telephoned the tennis star Serena Williams for an interview and asked her, “What’s your favourite planet?”
Her: It’s Venus.
Me: Sorry Venus, would you put Serena on the phone?
Does all this rain make you want an ark?
I Noah guy.
The watermelon plant didn’t like sharing a garden with passion vines; but they started to grow on him.
What did the priest say at the flooding river?
God, dam it!
Waiter, waiter, do you have frog legs?
No, I always walk this way.
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
Q. Why are big gorilla turds always so stinking tired?
A. Because they're all pooped out!
What happened when the koala tripped and fell in a crowded restaurant? He got embearassed.
What would a tiger running a Xerox machine in the back of a store be called? A copycat.
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
I painted a picture of my cat’s feet today.
You could say it was a paw-trait.
Why don’t Penguins like rock music?
They only like sole.
What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
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