Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
When it’s raining, a turtle goes to a shell-ter.
I saw a lion in a bar, trying to pick up a lioness literally half his age
and I'm like "man, you must have *no* pride"
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
What do runners eat before a big race?
Fast food.
Two trucks – one carrying strawberries and one carrying sugar – crashed. Drivers didn’t stop, and now the jam is getting thicker.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
“What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.”
When the rainbow decided to speak out at the meeting of all weathers, someone said 'Look hue's talking.'
My dads astronaut friend ate pizza in space
He said it was out of this world.
What does a Clydesdale say when you offer them a carrot?
“Of course, my horse.”
A bear covered in a bunch of crows gives the picture of a grizzly murder.
What is a car’s preferred mobile phone brand?
No-Kia.
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
What do you call a silly werewolf in Australia ?
A dingo-ling
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
This summer is going swimmingly.
Why was the doctor’s favorite patient a cat? Because she has nine lives!
What’s the difference between spring rolls and summer rolls?
Seasoning.
A group of crows drooling over a pastry is called a-tempted murder.
National Herbs and Spices Day is celebrated annually on June 10.
Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
Real rocks are too heavy.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
Each year, lots of wolves go treating in howl-o-ween.
Why should you swim in an ool instead of a pool?
Because there’s no “p” in it!
How do you know if there’s a snowman in your bed?
You wake up wet!
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
Why do Ghosts make such good company? They are full of spirit.
Have you heard of the tallest tower in France?
It’s a real Eiffel.
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
Though my brother won the art competition, he went up to his rival and gave him the credit where it was hue!
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his tea before it was cool.
During the pandemic, all the children asked to draw pictures of the different types of grass. The children had to submit their grass-essments online.
I used to own a raven. It could speak English, but the only word it could speak was "car".
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
A priest, a rabbit and a deacon walk into a blood bank.
"I think I might be a type o." said the rabbit.
Why did the deer go to the spa?
“To doe off some steam!”
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
I love you meow and forever.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...
She was takin' a back when taken aback!
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
Have you watched werewolves taking lunch, you will be amused, they literally wolf it down!
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
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