Becoming a space pilot is not easy. It requires a good altitude.
What is a dessert called with an extra chromosome?
A chocolate downie.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
"An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare."
What is a cat’s favorite vegetable? As-purr-agus.
What’s a horse’s favorite grocery store?
No-fillies.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
What does an ice cream lawyer say?
You got served.
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
What do you call the guy who draws pictures of criminal suspects? A con artist.
A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything!”
A lump of red leather, a red leather lump.
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
My friend can't afford expensive art, she has no Monet.
Why did the orange come back after it was thrown in the garbage?
It was a boom-orange.
What is the difference between a deer running away and a small witch?
One is a hunted stag and one is a stunted hag!
How does a penguin build a house?
Igloos it together.
Why do mice need oiling?
Because they squeak!
Why was the artist in an argument? She wanted to have the final clay.
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
As autumn came, the leaves started greeting each other by saying, "Hay there!"
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
It's a nice night for a white rice fight.
What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
What do you call a flying elephant?
A jumbo jet.
My dads astronaut friend ate pizza in space
He said it was out of this world.
What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle!
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
I'm a huge pianist.
Why do flowers always drive so fast?
They put the petal to the metal.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
What do koalas do when they’re facing a tough situation? They grin and bear it.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
When can your cup of coffee tell the weather?
When it's muggy.
Did you hear about the man who quit his job at a bakery? They said that it left him loathe of bread.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
Flat-Earthers hate the fact our planet is spherical, whereas Asgard is flat.
It's a Thor subject for them.
What do you call an existential lycanthrope?
A whywolf.
What ingredient is essential when baking a Star Wars cake?
Bicarbonate of Yoda
Why did the artist use the bathroom? Because she was consta-painted.
Time to spruce things up.
What do you call a chicken staring at a salad?
Chicken sees a salad.
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table?
She was hogging all the food!
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
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