They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
What do you call a large group of sick pandas?
A Pandamic.
What’s a Chinese bear’s favorite organ of the body?
The panda-creas.
What do witches put on their bagels?
Scream cheese.
Why do werewolves do well at school?
Because every time they’re asked a question, they come up with a snappy answer!
My doctor told me that I needed I kidney
I told her no. I'd prefer an adult-knee.
What do pig’s use as soap? Hogwash.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
What is a frustrated mother’s favorite month?
I SAID NO-vember.
Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?
She was no spring chicken.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
Why are horses so good at the shooting range?
They’re hunters.
How do bats greet a friend?
With a sound wave.
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
My computer is so slow it's running in the '90s.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
What did the bat say when she was invited to dinner?
No, fangs. I just ate.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
Who does a witch call for help with computer problems?
Hex Support!
I have to spill my guts, I love Halloween!
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
A guy walks into the doctors office complaining of rectal pain, upon examination, the doctor exclaims "Buddy, theres a piece of lettuce coming out of your butt!"
The guy looks to the doctor and says "thats only the tip of the iceburg!"
“How was your day? ” “It was a total disas-tater”
He ordered 6 vodkas, 6 beers and 6 lemonades. The bartender asked if he would like a tray.
"No I have enough to carry as it is."
Let’s get elf-ed up.
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
Q. What happens when a gorilla has a melt down?
A. He goes absolutely bananas!
How do you kiss someone at the end of the world?
On the apoca-lips.
I like your tight end
Zero lucks given on St. Patrick’s Day.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
What does a winged horse drink from at a party?
A keg-asus.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
I'm really obsessed with the F1 key on my keyboard. I'm trying to get help.
What did they give former Flyers left-winger Brian when he successfully
bulked up? Massive Propps.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
What did the kangaroo say about the man who kidnapped her joey?
Stop that pick-pocket!
What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey?
A Kick-Ass
What do you call a dad joke about skeletons?
A skele-pun!
What's the best time of year to see gorillas in the wild? Ape-ril.
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
What do you call a lobster that's afraid of tight spaces?
Claw-strophobic
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
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