What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown!
Dad: Where do desert nomads buy their camels?
Son: I dunno. Where?
Dad: at Camelot.
I just found out that Mercedes is donating state-of-the-art street sweepers to some of the largest cities around the world to help fight littering.
They're calling it Mercedes-clenz.
Why did the blonde skier cut a hole near the top of her boyfriend's ski parka?
She wanted to give him the cold shoulder.
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A teddy boar.
What do you get when you cross a vampire with an ice cube?
You end up with frost bite.
Black background, brown background, black background, brown background, black background, brown background.
What do you call a winged insect that hits home runs?
A fly swatter.
What did the trumpet pharaoh do when his girlfriend told him to pull out?
Toot and come in.
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
Where does fog go to the bathroom?
Anywhere it wants.
Q. Why doesn't a big gorilla have to flush the toilet?
A. He scares the sh*t out of it!
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
Why don’t penguins fly?
They are not tall enough to be pilots.
How many cookies could a good cook cook If a good cook could cook cookies? A good cook could cook as much cookies as a good cook who could cook cookies.
I love when you coddle me.
What do you get if you cross an alligator with a flower?
I don’t know, but I will not smell it!
Shut up the shutters and sit in the shop.
I regret rubbing ketchup in my eyes
But that's Heinz sight.
We’re trying to pool off the party of the summer.
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
Icy what you did there.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
My pet raven, Poe, started coughing... thought it was Corvid-19, but then the bird flu away. Think I will see him nevermore.
What is a bunny’s motto? Don’t be mad, be hoppy!
Everyone remembers the common hieroglyphics grammar rule...
Eye before flea, except after sea.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
Where do vampire bats go to take out a loan?
To the blood bank.
The fruit teacher taught figures of peach in today's class.
Windmills? I’m a huge fan!
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
Why did the volleyball player cross the street? There was a team member bar tending who could serve spiked drinks.
Last night I was but by a bloodsucker from the moon.
Damn lunatics.
How do you know the tooth fairy is a journalist?
They're always searching for the tooth.
What do donuts think about donut puns? They donut like them!
What does Bigfoot say when he sees campers in sleeping bags?
- Yum, Hot Pockets!
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
I’m saving money for bushes to plant around the yard when my career is over...
It’s my retirement hedge fund.
Why do bee keepers have beautiful eyes?
Because they hold bees. (Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder)
Now that it's summer, we've got to seas the day!
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
What does a fish say when he makes a mistake?
It was just a fluke!
Why is rain the best kind of music?
Because it has amazing drops.
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
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