I loaf you.
Where does a lobster keep its clothes?
In the clawset!
Whats the first day of the week called in outer space?
Moonday.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
The pilot was lucky. He always had work. Whenever he made an application, it was almost certain that he would land a job.
What type of keys does the gingerbread man unlock his door with? cook-keys!
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
How is cat food sold? Usually, purr can!
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
Why do cows think cooks are mean?
They whip cream.
Irish you were beer.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
Have you noticed that most wolf parties begin at around midnight? Well, it is not by coincidence, it is so that they can have a howling good time.
What did one of Frankenstein’s ears say to the other?
I didn’t know we lived on the same block.
Why did the volleyball player get sent to jail? Because he was set up.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
Why did the police arrest the star? That’s becuase it was a shooting star.
Did You Hear About The Duck Who Thought He Was a Squirrel?
It was one tough nut to quack.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
Why should somebody who's just out of rehab think twice before going on a skiing holiday?
Because it's a slippery slope.
What is the favorite sport for the young bass? It is the bass get ball.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
What do you call a Mexican unicorn? Junicorn.
I went to the costume party as a turtle.
I had a shell of a time.
RIP to Boiled Water.
You will be sorely mist.
Did you here about the croc with a serious drug addiction?
It was a crackodile.
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
Flamingos are pretty good at ideas… They have a lot of experience with formation.
What is a ghost’s favorite carnival ride? The rollerghoster.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
Icy what you did there.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs.
When should you stop for a glow worm? When he has a red light.
Did you hear about the rundown swimming pool?
It was a real dive!
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
What did the cactus wear with their suit?
A cactie.
A man was about to propose to his fiancé but as soon as he got down on his knees, she started laughing.
It was a fun knee moment.
Why are nuns such great sprint runners?
'Cause they're used to being chaste.
Historians have discovered a new Greek God who didn’t excel at anything.
His name was mediocretese.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Did you hear about the birds of prey who opened up a resort?
It was for owl seasons.
My wife asked, “Honey, could you reach that dish on the top shelf? It’s too high for me.”
It was a challenge, but I stepped up to the plate.
How do you type the word "Royalty" on a keyboard?
You start with the higher R key.
What is an ogre's favorite snack?
Y-ogre-t.
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?
“It wanted to be a watermelon.”
Will invisible airplanes ever be a thing?
I just can't see them taking off.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
I’m going to start a YouTube channel where I critique bottled water...
It’s an untapped market.
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