Pizza: the only time top-less isn't fun
American cherries generally do pretty well at high school. Many of them end up on the cherryleading squad.
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
Where does a turtle go when it's raining?
A shell-ter.
Which athlete wrote the book, Jumping for Exercize?
Lee Ping.
A wise saying among werewolves: Chasing your tail will not make ends meet.
Why do owls make such bad baseball players?
Their hits are always fowl.
What do you call a pig that knows martial arts?
Pork Chop
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.
What do you call a lobster with a Christmas hat?
Santa Claws
What was Hitler's favorite computer game?
Mein Kraft.
Who granted the fish a wish?
The fairy codmother.
There’s a room with two tables and ten people. One table has soup, and the other table has a punch bowl. All ten people are lined up at the soup table.
Now’s when you ask: where’s the punchline?
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
How do sick kangaroos get better?
They have a hoperation.
The calm before the score
Tennis matches and strawberry jam have one thing in common. Cons-serve.
Why did the geologist go on a date to the quarry?
He wanted to be a little boulder.
What does a monkey wear while cooking?
An ape-ron.
Did you know alligators can grow up to 18 feet?
But most of them only have four!
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
What is a potato’s life philosophy? I think, therefore I yam.
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
Dad, are we pyromaniacs?
Yes, we arson.
Did you hear about the guy whose spouse was hit by lightning?
His entire wife flashed before his eyes.
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
France is beautiful in every Cezanne.
How do sheep greet each other during the holidays? Fleece Navidad!
What kind of bugs live in clocks? Ticks!
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
What do you call a month’s worth of rain?
England.
What musical group do men join once they get married?
The Hus Band!
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?'
He said 'No, just up to your neck'
My neighbor was walking across the street while carrying the game Scrabble then suddenly dropped it, leaving the game board and pieces on the ground.
I said: “Hey Jeff! What’s the word on the street?”
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
Why was the doctor so paranoid?
He worked in the ICU.
Apples are red. Grapes are blue. Pineapples are sweet. And so are you.
What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
How do you know it’s cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get
chocolate ice cream.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
If I made werewolf puns, they would be howl-arious.
My sheep-powered computer was starting to run slowly
So I added more ram
What do you call cheese that is acting crazy? A basket queso.
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
Why did the old man hate living next to the tennis courts?
He couldn't stand all the racket!
What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
An ice burger extra cheese.
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