Where do kittens learn to move around? On the catwalk
What is a vampire who loves eating strawberry jam called? A jampire.
Easter and April Fools fall on the same day this year...
You could say it only happens once in a blue moon.
Why was the orange the valedictorian of her class?
She was the zest in class.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
2 flies are playing soccer on a plate.
One says to the other "you'd better pick up your game Louie, we're playing in the cup tomorrow".
What do you say to an astronaut looking for a car park
There's a spaceman.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
A gang of ravens scared off individual crows and cornered them together. Well, you can say that a conspiracy of ravens preplanned a murder of crows.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What did the gorilla say after spending one month at te gym?
Geez, gain a little muscle mass, and everybody acuses you of steroids. As if eating too many bananas wasn't dopey enough!
A classically trainer theater performer just became a spy.
I guess you could say they perform... thespionage
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
What does the fish say when she disagrees with her husband?
I don’t quite sea it that way.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Remember the band that did that rock cover of “walk like an Egyptian’ by The Bangles?
Pharaohsmith.
A small child was brought into hospital the other day after swallowing several small toy horses.
The doctors report that he is in a stable condition.
Give papa a cup of proper coffee in a copper coffee cup.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
While cuddling my girlfriend, I whispered "Honey, this isn't working out for me."
Then I rolled off the bed and started doing push-ups. "This is working out for me!"
What key on the keyboard is truly out of this world?
The spacebar.
We make a great pear
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
When I woke up from my accident, I was shocked when the doctors told me I broke all my fingers.
It was hard to grasp.
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
The group of beavers loved the river because it has a really bubbly personality.
Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”.
So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.
---
What do you call a smart beer?
A Pilsnerd.
It is said that crows and owls are in caw-hoots.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
Why did the guy decide not to donate a dime to any charity raising funds for a marathon?
Because they just take the money and run.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
I was going to tell a joke about the natural disaster in the Indian Ocean
But it was too Tsunami.
What are the best mushrooms to have with a jacket potato? Button mushrooms!
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.
I hope in doesn't Matter.
A new bakery in town began ding extremely well. They said that business was definitely on the rise.
What is a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple.
Why was the shy guy terrible at baseball?
He never got to third base.
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
"You had me at merlot."
What do you call a parrot that won’t eat?
A Polly-no-meal.
What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
Go to BabaMail
