"Eggs love you."
A drummer got a tattoo of a drum kit on himself
It was very cymbalic.
What did the giant say to Jack when he caught him sneaking around his castle?
"Have you bean stalking me?"
Why do birds fly south in the fall?
Because it’s too far to walk.
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
Have you ever seen a baby dragon eating ice cream?
It'll melt your heart.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
The shark and the computer are so alike. They both have and use their megabytes.
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
What do you call children who are born in a whorehouse?
Brothel sprouts.
What position does a ghoul play on the soccer team?
Ghoulie!
After his teeth were cleaned, the werewolf ate the dentist.
When the ghost family got in their car, the dad ghost told the kids to fasten their sheet-belts.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite toy?
A. A bab-boom-orang.
My sister said I would never be able to make a beach pun.
Is seashore about that?
Did you know the Mississippi River is a girl?
If it was a guy it would be the misterssippi River.
What do cats build to prepare for war? Cat-apults.
A truck with an entire load of strawberries has crashed on the motorway. It's caused a real traffic jam.
Ana hits a lot of floating shots that her opponents destroy for winners. We need to sitter down and have a talk.
What do dogs and commas have in common? Dogs have claws at the end of their paws and commas are a pause at the end of a clause.
The strawberry went out with the grape only because he couldn't find a date.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
A teacher asks the class to name six mammals that you might find in Africa. One of the pupils replies, “five zebras and a lion”.
What does Frosty the Snowman do to combat his worries about melting?
Take a chill pill!
What’s a monster’s favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
Why was the doctor so paranoid?
He worked in the ICU.
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
I can't hear out of my ear...
It's really EAR-itating.
As it snow happens.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer? Mice cubes!
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats.
Prophets are going through the roof.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
What happened when an icicle landed on the skier's head?
It knocked him out cold!
What did the first thunderstorm of the year say?
Hail to the spring!
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
Can an Australian with poor vision clearly see the moon?
No, but a "good eye might."
My pet raven, Poe, started coughing... thought it was Corvid-19, but then the bird flu away. Think I will see him nevermore.
So you live in the seventh most populous city in France?
Must be Nice.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!
Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop it a line!
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
Roses are red, violets are blue, I ain't no poet, but neither are you.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
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