I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
What do Ghosts suffer from? Saturday fright fever.
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
Why do zebras have stripes?
Because they don't want to be spotted.
What is a koala’s favorite exercise?
Bearobics.
Why wasn’t the little pumpkin allowed to swim?
There was no life gourd on duty!
What do pups eat in Italy?
Pawsta.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
Crowing, crowing, gone.
What is the color of the wind? Blew!
What do you call a guy who only rides children's bicycles?
A pedalphile
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
Why didn’t the lobster and crab share their lunch with an octopus?
Because they are too shellfish.
Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
How did the headless chicken cross the road?
In a KFC bucket.
Every book has some flaws and mistakes, no matter how good the editor. It’s bound to happen.
Which front-office type is the most promiscuous? The general ménageur.
What did the Cat burglar say when he was caught stealing from a French art museum?
I did it for the Monet.
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
My herbs were looking a little scuffed, but when I went to go polish them, my friend was already getting ready to help me out. This made me upset, so I grabbed a sprig out of their hands and said
This is my thyme to shine.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.
Which word can be used to describe a peach that is surprised, shocked, or angry with strong emotion? – Speachless!
The instructions on this stick deodorant said "remove cap and push up bottom"...
I can hardly walk!
I've always wondered if it was easy to catch Bigfoot...
I was relieved when my doctor told me it wasn't a disease.
Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
Have you heard of the story about the campanologist without arms?
Doesn't ring a bell.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
I saw a sheep covered in plastic
It was lambinated.
It ain’t over till it’s clover.
How can you tell if a crab is drunk?
It walks straight
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
Have you ever heard of the Poder bird?
It is also known as the Toucan
What do worms leave round their baths? The scum of the earth.
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
Why did the penguin cross the road?
To go with the floe!
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
I saw a road sign the other day that said "Dip In Road"
I turned the corner and drove straight into a load of hummus
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
How do two rival forests get along? They sign a peace tree-ty!
What happened when the pun misbehaved in school?
He was pun-alized with detention!
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
Go to BabaMail
