I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
Where do you think the astronauts keep their sandwiches? In the launch-box.
Did you hear that cats have carried out a Coup in Barcelona and declared independence from Spain?
They're calling themselves the Republic of Catalo-nya.
I used to randomly steal beverages off people...
I stopped when I realized it wasn't my cup of tea
Why do chickens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they’d break.
Rory’s lawn rake rarely rakes really right.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
My wife doesn't like spicy food and I think it's a cayenne shame.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
Do you know how the pineapple feeds her children? She gives them milk from her pinenipples!
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
Ann and Andy's anniversary is in April.
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
A friend has joined a blonds only theatre group. Fair play to him.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
Where do otters keep their money? In the river bank!
Betty Botter bought some butter but, said she, the butter’s bitter.
If I put it in my batter, it will make my batter bitter.
But a bit of better butter will make my bitter batter better.
So she bought some better butter, better than the bitter butter,
put it in her bitter batter, made her bitter batter better.
So ‘t was better Betty Botter bought some better butter.
What did the cheese say after escaping the mouse? I'm Brieeee!
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
There is no glory in practice, but without practice there can be no glory. This volleyball pun is very inspirational. For you to do your best, you have to be willing to practice.
A zebra is the safest place to cross the road. Unless you are actually a zebra.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
What does a skunk’s car run on?
Fumes.
Trumpester: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
What do you call an turkey with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
How many yaks could a yak pack, pack if a yak pack could pack yaks?
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".
My friend told me he had to leave the play after Act l. Knowing he'd waited forever to see it, I asked him why. He said the program stated that Act ll was two years later, and he refused to wait that long.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
What's the worst part about being a beaver?
It's a lot of dam work.
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
Only a**holes use bidets.
Why would a judge make a good tooth fairy?
Because they want the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.
I hope you have an absolutely fin-tastic day!
How do bats greet a friend?
With a sound wave.
If you think Earth has too few human-animal hybrids, then it behooves you to become a centaur.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?
Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!
What is a mountains favorite type of candy?
Snow caps.
If you used a keyboard with built-in speakers, you would be...?
Stereotyping.
How do camels blend in?
With camel-flage
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”
If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
Go to BabaMail
