Do you know what kind of stock to use when making neotropical near-passerine bird soup?
Doesnt matter, as long as you put Toucans in.
What is the best breakfast cereal to eat in the winter?
Frosted Flakes!
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
I had a job directing an elementary school theater production.
It wasn't hard work, after all, it was child's play.
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
What do you call a rental car in Spain?
A Barceloaner.
All stereos are so typical.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
Where is a frog's favorite place to eat?
At IHOP.
Q: What do you call a really violent fruit?
A: A peach breaker
What does pooh eat at parties?
Blue bear-y pie.
It is said that crows and owls are in caw-hoots.
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
It's really easy to learn white water kayaking
You just go with the flow.
I don’t know why I couldn’t convince my wife she would like the set of knives I made her for Mother’s Day.
I made several good points.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
How do comedians like their eggs?
Funny side up.
Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo?
It was Panda-monium.
Need an ark?
I noah guy.
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
Why is Frankenstein such good fun?
Because he soon has you in stitches.
Why is it called Almond Milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
What do you call a bully on Halloween? A jerk-o-lantern.
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
The killer whale planned its attack on the seals for weeks.
It was very carefully orca-strated.
What is the proper name for the ghost of a buffalo?
A booffalo.
Two antennas got married – the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.
Ever hear about the computer programmer who moved to Mexico?
He wanted to be a Señor developer.
What do you call memory loss in a parrot?
Polynesia
What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
"I need to re-wine my life."
I was really surprised when I learned that singer Pink's favorite color was actually green. No one could have i-magenta-it.
"What an egg-citing day."
Where do squirrels go when they have a nervous breakdown?
To the nut-house.
If a black bug bleeds black blood, what color blood does a blue bug bleed?
What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hot dog and a Fenway Park hot dog? You can buy a Yankee Stadium hot dog in October.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
Where does a fish keep his money In the River Bank!
What goes white black white black white black red?
A panda that falls from a cliff.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
What's E.T. short for?
Because he's got little legs.
I was boiling vegetables in the saucepan the other day when my wife went to move it...
I said careful, it’s got a leek in it.
What do you call really scared pasta?
Chicken noodles.
The artist thought she was all that and pen some.
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