What did the baby goat say to his father?
I kid you not.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
What a werewolf movie, talk about howling!
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
Baking on Easter Sunday
Crust is risen! Hallelujah!
What is the angriest place on Earth?
Ire-land
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.
"Love the wine you're with."
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
When I tell you how much I love you, I'm not overreacting.
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
What type of cat lives under the sea? A purr-maid.
What do you call a fashionable, but judgmental monster who howls at the moon?
A What Not To Wear-Wolf.
What bat was called an invader?
Bat-talina.
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
Bobby Bippy bought a bat.
Bobby Bippy bought a ball.
With his bat Bob banged the ball
Banged it bump against the wall
But so boldly Bobby banged it
That he burst his rubber ball
"Boo!" cried Bobby
Bad luck ball
Bad luck Bobby, bad luck ball
Now to drown his many troubles
Bobby Bippy's blowing bubbles.
Where do beavers go for a hair cut? To the bobber shop.
The abdominal snowman is just a snowman with a six-pack.
Getting lucked up on St. Patrick’s Day.
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
What did the woman say when she escaped Dracula’s clutches?
- Better luck necks time!
Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks
What do you call a room full of crows? Crowded.
Q: Why did the purple family have to move out?
A: They were plum too loud, excessively violet with one another, and were fuschiatives of the law.
The gang of crows used a crowbar to break into the house.
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
Why shouldn't you shoot pool using a pickle?
Because you'll find the cue cumbersome.
When the unripe strawberry saw the ripe one, it was green with envy.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
What do you call a nervous witch?
A twitch.
Whale, whale, whale …
If it isn’t a pod.
I was under the blues, so I had to blue my nose occasionally.
What do they say when you leave the cheese store?
Have a gouda day!
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
Why do pandas have fur coats?
Because they’d look stupid in denim jackets.
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
I don’t have Great Expectations for my son.
I got him the other books by Dickens though.
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
What do you call a bird that can fix anything?
Duck Tape.
Why do blind people hate diving?
It scares the hell out of their dogs.
What did the pun mom say to the new pun dad?
We have a pun in the oven!
What did the llama say when he was invited to the picnic?
Alpaca lunch.
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