Softball is just like baseball
Except the tactics seem more underhanded.
Which type of dinosaur could jump higher than a house ? Any kind! A house cannot jump!
In another town, the cowboy rides in wearing a paper suit. Paper pants, paper jacket, paper chaps. Even a paper holster!
He wasn't in town ten minutes before he was arrested for rustling.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
Turtles that commit crime are sent to the shell-block.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
What is a penguin racing driver’s favourite part of the car?
The Eggs-celerator.
I got fired from Starbucks for not changing the coffee filters.
It was grounds for dismissal.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for Fresh Prints!
What praise did a bat’s friend deserve? A bat on the back.
Do you know what is the most favourite fruit in the United States? – Mmm peach!
What do you call your sibling’s daughter, who is famous?
Star anise
What do you get when a dinosaur walks through the strawberry patch? Strawberry jam.
Sleigh queen, sleigh.
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
Why are pilots so bad at basketball?
Because they're always traveling.
What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey?
A Kick-Ass
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
Why did the golfer need new socks?
Because there was a hole in one.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race?
It ended in a tie.
Why is learning to ski in France so difficult?
'Cause sometimes they won't Alp you.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
How does a cookie wish his friends for Christmas? I whisk you a merry Christmas.
I listenend to the football game on the radio. It was being broadcast on a catholic satellite radio station.
So I tirned to my dad and said, "That's weird. Football isn't even that religious of a sport!"
My dad replied, "Nope. Lacrosse is!"
What is small, has a long tail and works with the police?
A gerbil shepherd dog!
What do you get when you put four ducks in a box?
A box of quackers.
What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?
They go on peck-nics.
Why did the cranberries turn red?
They saw the turkey dressing!
Fresh fried fish,
Fish fresh fried,
Fried fish fresh,
Fish fried fresh.
Why did Paco's girlfriend not want to kiss him?
She was afraid of the a-Paco-lips.
Why did the Lord of the Rings author get kicked out of the movie theatre.
He was Tolkien all the way through.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
What do you call corn with red, white and blue kernels?
Americorn.
Dad Bee left. Mama Bee calls out ...
Honeycomb home!
Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
What do you get when you cross Frosty with a baker?
Frosty the Dough-Man!
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
How do mares keep track of their boyfriends?
A stud book.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts.
The only thing that looks like half a strawberry is the other half.
What does an artist call his sketch pad? A house.
Every single morning I get hit by the same bike.
It's a vicious cycle.
When she saw all the madness around her, March said, “what’s all that bracket”.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye? Doyouthinkhesawus
What do you call a metalhead working at Cold Stone? Alice Scooper.
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.
But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.
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