How do the Vietnamese like their soup? Purrrrrfect.
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
Why do they eat snail in France?
Because they don’t have fast food.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous. They're always raisinet!
Please wait, bewitcha in a minute.
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt and yttrium? They are just too CoRnY.
What do you get when you cross a sloth and a Scottish rock band? Slow Patrol.
Happy Valentine's Day!
I hope your day starts off with a bang!
Have you ever seen a catfish? No, how did he hold the rod and reel?
Any time I wear a t shirt with a picture of a crocodile on it, I feel a little sick.
I think I might be Lacoste intolerant.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
I was boiling vegetables in the saucepan the other day when my wife went to move it...
I said careful, it’s got a leek in it.
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
---
What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
Up to snow good.
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
What do you call a shrimp hit by a car?
Road krill.
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one"
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
Girls just wanna have sun.
What is the lesser-known sport used to measure a horse’s singing ability?
Carol racing.
A lump of red leather, a red leather lump.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
What does a well-educated owl say?
Whom.
What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What do you call an elephant that’s never clean?
A smelly-phant.
Are there any funny red wine puns at BabaMail Jokes?
You bet Shiraz there are!
Son: “Hey Dad, can we go to the beach?”
Dad: “Shore?”
Birdie birdie in the sky laid a turdie in my eye.
If cows could fly I'd have a cow pie in my eye.
What is a dentist’s favorite hymn?
Crown Him with Many Crowns
Neighbor Dad 1: How often do you cut the grass? Your lawn looks so much better than mine!
Neighbor Dad 2: That's on a need to mow basis.
Why can't you use beef stew as a password?
Because it's not stroganoff.
Dracula really doesn't have any other vampire friends. It's because he's a total pain in the neck.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
“Christmas has me feeling extra Santa-mental.”
Who is Medusa’s cheesy cousin?
Gorgon Zola
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