What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow?
A numb-skull.
What did the llama say to the grass?
“Nice gnawing you!”
Where do otters come from?
Otter Space.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain? He's got no beef.
Q. What can a buck take after a night of drinking at a stag party?
A. Elk-a-seltzer.
Why don't orphans make good baseball players?
Because they don't know where home is.
I never knew how lightning worked
Thats until it finally struck me.
Which Old Testament prophet took forever to make a point?
“I say… uhhh…” (say it out loud)
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
What do you call a dinosaur that left its armor out in the rain ? A Stegosau-rust.
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
Who was the fastest runner of all time?
Adam. He was the first in the human race.
A friend of mine is his team's best footballer on paper. Unfortunately, they play most of their games on grass.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
What did the girl dinosaur ask her pet dog?
"Do you want some tea, Rex?"
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap?
It was always on shale.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
I booked an appointment at the orthopedist for my whole family.
We got joint problems.
What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
The Nucleboss.
Have you heard about the gorilla who got a name change?
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.
Our local winery recently starting using a flock of sheep to keep the grass from getting too long.
At least that's what I herd through the grapevine.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
Why did the orange go to the doctor? He wasn’t peeling well.
Why did Larry the lizard leave his lover longing?
he had ... a reptile dysfunction
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
What is one of the big tiger's most favorite hangout places? A shopping maul.
Your shirt must be made out of husband material.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
Did you hear about the Spanish ocean?
Si.
What do you call an extremely disgusting unicorn that no one likes? An eeeww-nicorn.
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
Why did the panda’s joke suck?
It was unbearable.
What kind of cats like to go bowling?
Alley cats.
Where did the duck go when he was sick? A:
To the ducktor.
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
What’s worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A centipede with athlete’s foot.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
There is nothing impaws-sible if you’re as brave as a tiger!
The other day I told a joke about an armored vehicle with a rotating gun turret.
It tanked.
Why did the pineapple’s phone die? It needed juice.
I love eating glow worms
Especially as a light snack
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
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