A Pun, a Play on Words, and a Limerick walk into a bar....
No Joke.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
Is it possible to scare a sasquatch out of your yard by tossing eggs at him?
Only if you eggs-terminate him.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
What do you call a funny bone?
A humerus.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
Why do cats have minty breath? Because they use mousewash
What's the difference between Greek yogurt and regular yogurt?
Greek yogurt has a rich cultural history.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
How did the horse make payments?
In in-stallion-ments.
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
What do you call a boy and girl playing blues music? The battle of the saxes.
Why was the nice guy such a lousy baseball player?
Because he never got to home base.
What’s the scariest koala movie ever made? The Bear Witch Project.
If Moses were alive today, why would he be considered a remarkable man?
Because he would be several thousand years old.
What do you call writing a book about breeding bats to pull carriages? A wheely bat idea.
German Wi-Fi is the WURST.
What is a ghoul’s favorite snack food?
Ghoul scout cookies!
What do you call a fight between squirrels?
A squarrel
What is the difference between a wet day and a lion with a toothache? A wet day is pouring with rain, the other is roaring with pain.
What did the deer say to his sulky friend?
“Buck up!”
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Did you hear about the colorful sea cow?
Oh the hue-manatee!!!
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
What is a polar bear’s favorite food?
Iceberg lettuce and snow peas.
When facing trouble in the workspace, all the colorists rallied together by saying, "Come what grey, we will overcome all obstacles!"
Q: What did the wind turbine say to the engineer after he fixed him?
A: I’m a big fan of your work!
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
Why did it take the teen pig so long to get ready for school in the morning?
She was very piggy when it comes to choosing what to wear!
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
What game do Ghost children play? Hide and shriek!
I love when you coddle me.
Mo mi mo me send me a toe,
Me me mo mi get me a mole,
Mo mi mo me send me a toe,
Fe me mo mi get me a mole,
Mister kister feet so sweet,
Mister kister where will I eat !?
Why couldn’t the dog say, “Ahhh”?
Because the cat got his tongue.
How do ghosts wash their hair? Sham-boo.
What did the pizza say to the delivery guy?
“You don’t pepper-own me.”
…and what did the delivery guy say in reply?
“Hey now, don’t get saucy.”
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
Their soccer team and the US navy had one thing in common, they both spent over $50 million on a sub.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
Why don't pets make good astronauts?
They're afraid of the spay station
What kind of pole is short and floppy?
A tadpole.
Where do cows go on vacation?
Moo York.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
How did the tigers greet the other animals in the jungle? "Hey! Pleased to eat you."
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.
Some guy wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a second hand bouncy house.
But I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to jump into.
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