What do you call royal pineapple? Your pine-ness.
Which birds are good at holding things together?
Velcrows.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
I’m so adjective, I verb noun.
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
Where do werewolf go if their tails fall off?
A re-tail store.
What do you call a gorilla with no arms?
An ape-utee
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
What do you call a camel that looks the same from both directions?
A palindromedary!
What do you call a cross between a donkey and a zebra?
Debra.
What can one parrot do?
Not as much as toucan.
What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.
The perfect description of a bowling game is one where there is plenty of room at the top, but no room to lie down.
Who was the smartest man in the Bible?
Abraham. He knew a Lot.
What do you call 2 fruits that can't get married?
Cantelopes.
What is the preferred shampoo brand of truck drivers?
Lorry-el
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
Q. How do you describe the inate behavior of a new mother deer?
A. Doe-ting
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
What is the call of a Spanish speaking owl?
Quién...Quién.
What's the difference between Cloepatra and King Arthur?
One had Camelot and one had a lot of camels.
Did you hear about the rundown swimming pool?
It was a real dive!
Why are kangaroos so qualified to be teachers?
Because they’re kan-gurus.
Q: What do you call a really violent fruit?
A: A peach breaker
What did Neil Armstrong say when people didn't laugh at his moon jokes?
"I guess you had to be there."
If a robber robs a house under renovation and accidentally leaves his handprint on wet cement,
Does that mean that the police have concrete evidence?
What kind of pasta do skeletons enjoy eating the most?
Elbow macaroni.
Dad: Where do desert nomads buy their camels?
Son: I dunno. Where?
Dad: at Camelot.
The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn.
My sister's laptop is so sassy and fun, it loves to play disc-o music.
Why did you act like that at Thanksgiving dinner? I yam what I yam.
What is Frankenstein’s favorite cheese?
Muenster.
Fall is a-maize-ing.
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls.
When do you know a joke is a dad joke?
When the punchline is a parent.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
Tigers are bad at basketball because they have only four feet.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
Why did the chicken cross the river?
To get to the otter side
What do you do if you find a blue Ichthyosaur ? Cheer him up!
Military submarines are a deep navy blue in color.
Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees.
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