Couple of friends have decided to put theatre style seats in their house. It will end in tiers.
What did the scientist’s cat say? I think I’ve lost an electron, I’m pawsitive!
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
The weatherman said it might get a bit drizzly outside.
You can expect a Lil’ Wayne.
Whom did the cheesy Bible start with? Edam and Eve.
Nurse: You can come by at 6 today. Very little patients today.
Man: What happened to the normal sized patients?
Cow's that eat strawberries give strawberry milk.
Many basketball players fail their tests in school because they do not want to pass.
Why did the orange go to the doctor? He wasn’t peeling well.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
One-one was a race horse.
Two-two was one too.
One-one won one race.
Two-two won one too.
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a Martian?
An eggs-traterrestrial.
Did you see that meteor shower?
No, I respect others’ privacy.
What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road ? The chicken hadn't evolved yet!
I wish medusa would stop objectifying people.
What do you get when you cross Elon Musk and lobster bisque? A souped up car.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
I snuggle to get through these winter days.
Why did black chocolate cry over his wine glass?
Because it was his bitter half.
Why do leaves change color in the fall? Because they want to leaf their old color.
There’s this corn on the cob stand that I really like, but it started making ads
They were really corny.
How do you split the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw.
What do llamas always say after yoga class?
“Llamaste.”
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
Pulp Friction.
“I love when candy canes are in mint condition.”
How do you write a book about bats? With a ghostwriter.
Who never minds being interrupted in the middle of a sentence? A convict.
My gay lover asked me if date night was optional.
I said no, it's a mandate
What did the turkey say after Thanksgiving dinner? I'm still stuffed.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up.
Potatoes have skin. I have skin. Ergo, I am a potato
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.
Why do Ghosts avoid the rain? It dampens their spirits.
While cuddling my girlfriend, I whispered "Honey, this isn't working out for me."
Then I rolled off the bed and started doing push-ups. "This is working out for me!"
Take a pitcher. It'll last longer.
What kind of chocolate do ghouls like?
Hearse-sheys!
I goat this.
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
Basketball players manage to remain cool even during tough matches because they stay closer to the fans.
It’s never great taking a truck driver to the cinema to watch a film. They only really like the trailers.
What do you get when you cross a Dinosaur and TNT? Dino-mite.
What's yellow and writes? A ball-point banana.
What do you call a happy rabbit? An Hop-timist.
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
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