What do you get when you cross a tortoise and a llama?
A turtle-neck sweater.
Crows go to get their shopping at Cawst Co.
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
Why did the artist use the bathroom? Because she was consta-painted.
The artist painted himself into a corner, leading to his death.
I'm so glad our Billy inherited his mother's intelligence
...and I got to keep mine.
Our local winery recently starting using a flock of sheep to keep the grass from getting too long.
At least that's what I herd through the grapevine.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
There's a criminal who lives at the end of the rainbow, who likes to trick people. He is called the lepre-con artist.
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
Every book has some flaws and mistakes, no matter how good the editor. It’s bound to happen.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
What do you give a dog with a fever?… Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog.
You’ll be Dublin your fortune soon.
What do you call a reindeer ghost? A cari-boo!
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
What musical group do men join once they get married?
The Hus Band!
My wifi password is the cat's birthday month
Feb-paw-hairy
I went to the zoo today....
only to find out that some aquatic mammals had escaped.
It was otter chaos.
What type of fruit includes Barium and double Sodium? BaNaNa.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
I'm fondue you, it's true
What do you call two crows flying together?
An attempted murder
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
A slimey snake slithered down the sandy sahara.
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
Why did the girl pour glue into her fishbowl?
She wanted to make a fish stick!
Many mumbling mice are making merry music in the moonlight.
You'd never get a rainbow in the red of night.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
If the Hubble Telescope got married...
It would be called the Hubby Telescope.
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
Who are the cousins of the werewolf?
What-wolf and When-wolf
Why are bananas never lonely?
Because they hang around in bunches.
I’m opening a grocery store that specializes in Swiss cheese and donuts.
I’m calling it Hole Foods.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
What does a pizza say when it introduces itself to you?
Slice to meet you.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
What is the worst type of blind people?
The Notsees.
Go to BabaMail
