Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
Why would a cow want to go to space? To see the Milky Way.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
What do you call a skeleton who goes to school but doesn’t do any work?
Lazy bones.
Just look, it’s the Trifle Tower
What is a koala’s favorite Christmas carol? Deck the halls with boughs of holly, koala-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!!!
Is it true that a dinosaur won't attack if you hold a tree branch? That depends on how fast you carry it!
How do volleyball players deliver their messages? Through Air Mail.
How do you tell others that your Israeli husband made coffee?
Hebrew.
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
What's the difference between a colorful women's garment and a famous live music venue?
One's a house of blues, the other's a blouse of hues.
So there’s this Spanish magician. His main trick was performing a spectacular vanishing act. He said that he’d vanish on the count of three. “Uno” “Dos”
And then he vanished, without a tres.
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice.
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
If you understand, say "understand".
If you don't understand, say "don't understand".
But if you understand and say "don't understand".
how do I understand that you understand. Understand!?
What are ants made of?
Antimatter.
Why was there a troop of gorillas protesting outside the biscuit factory?
They wanted to stop the production of animal crackers.
I'm considering becoming a cinematografur.
My birch of a wife just told me she wants a divorce. Says she’s tired of all of my tree puns.
In my grandparents time, an orange was considered a treat from Santa. Now kids want an apple.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
After making love the other night, I told my husband that I love when the whispers sweet things in my ear...
So my hubby leaned in close and whispered... "Syrup."
I went deep sea diving and a mollusk wanted to give me a hug!
Damn cuddlefish.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Where do werewolves hate shopping?
The flea market.
What do cats build to prepare for war? Cat-apults.
Why are volleyball players always so blameless? They always pass the blame and try to avoid faults.
What’s the first thing a gorilla learns in school? The ape b c’s.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat? A Diplodocus with a sore throat!
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
A certain Leafs right-winger was sued by the Louisiana government. He was
Owen N'awlins.
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
My mom likes to feed everyone the soup she makes. She said it is her broth right.
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
Have you heard about the chef on space station? He’s not that much of an astronaut, but his food is literally out of this world!
Turtles keep on winning battles because they are perfect at shelling their enemies.
Why shouldn’t you drive with a vampire?
He will drive you batty.
Grasshoppers do not fancy soccer matches because most of them prefer cricket matches.
What do you call a talking kangaroo?
A quantum leap.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
Because he had a bone to pick.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
A slow poke is what you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
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