Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
Wayne went to Wales to watch walruses.
Who is a potato’s favorite author? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
What is the definition of art theft? A: The haul of frames.
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
Why are flamingos such good patients?
They’re used to wading.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
What did the pastry cook say when he was making the cake?
Bat-a-cake. Bat-a-cake.
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal?
Megadeath by Chocolate.
Did you guys hear about the camel that got a gig playing a cow on Broadway?
She was a real drama dairy.
In my village, there is a farmer who takes his cows to refill their food at the grass station.
What did the baby goat say to his father?
I kid you not.
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What are ants made of?
Antimatter.
What do you call an overly cautious cup of tea?
Uncertaintea.
What do you call it when leprechauns get together after being apart?
A wee-union!
They had us working like dogs at work after a storm
All I did was pick up sticks and bark.
What do you call a womanising chocolate? A cad-bury.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
How sweet is only for girls?
Her-shey’s kisses.
I asked the bartender for the WiFi password but he told me to buy a drink first. So I ordered a Moscow Mule and asked him again. He handed me a card with the password. It said:
"Buy a drink first" ... no spaces, all lowercase."
What do you call a turkey's evil twin?
A Gobblegänger.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
Kindly kittens knitting mittens keep kazooing in the king’s kitchen.
The Little Mermaid shouldn’t be named Ariel
She should be named Nautical!
What did the flower say to the flower next to him? Move over bud!
The mother helped her child bake bread because it was a labor of loaf. True enough.
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
I’m Dublin down on what I said before.
What Do You Call Two Ducks And A Cow?
Quakers and milk.
What is the Abominable Snowman's favourite type of cup?
A yeti.
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
You know why vampires can raise ghouls?
Because they are neck romancers!
What do time and space have in common with family?
It's all relative.
What do you called a crow that cant find his way?
A lost caws
Pink is the early bird of the rainbow colors, it's always the first to rose and shine.
My sister just bought a set of odorless perfumes.
It doesn’t make any scents.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
What’s a vampire’s favorite Shakespeare play?
A Midsummer Bite’s Dream.
What do you call an elephant that never washes?
A smelly-phant.
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
Our kids tee ball team, the Tigers, won the championship. All the parents were very proud and put in for a little statuette of the front of a tiger to give them to celebrate. When it came in, for some reason it was the back half of a tiger.
Needless to say, it was a cat ass trophy.
My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"
I said "No, I'd rather fry one."
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
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