What did Homer Simpson say when he saw a female deer?
“Doe!”
"Don't worry, be hoppy."
What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
What did the tornado say to the sports car?
Let's go for a spin!
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
Which author is anxious to write the book: Colorado Rockies, World Series Champs?
Ben Whayten.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
Call me on the shellphone.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
How much dew does a dewdrop drop
If dewdrops do drop dew?
They do drop, they do
As do dewdrops drop
If dewdrops do drop dew.
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
You mermake me happy.
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.
There once was a koala who could run at a speed of more than 800 miles per hour. He was the first koala to break the sound bearier.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
What did one ocean say to another?
Nothing, it just waved.
Why do bees stay in the hive during the winter?
Swarm.
Why was the ghoul so smart?
He always ate brain food!
I'm having mixed feelings about being a Michael Jackson impersonator.
On one hand, you get to wear a cool white glove.
On the other hand, you don't.
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.
He sent in ten different puns hoping at least one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
Corny on the Cobb.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
Why was the beaver not arrested when he jumped into the Nile? Because he was a juve'nile.
What do you call an alien spaceship that goes from planet to planet to planet? A UF-hoe.
Did you hear about the colorful sea cow?
Oh the hue-manatee!!!
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
How does a quarter moon always feel?
Crestfallen.
Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner with them?
They’re pair-a-medics.
What do you call a bear with a bad attitude?
The bearer of bad news.
Did you hear about the Owl that could play American football?
It was a superb_owl.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
Basketball is the only sport where the basket is filled but never gets full.
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
A friend of mine is his team's best footballer on paper. Unfortunately, they play most of their games on grass.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
Love's a feeling you feel when you feel
you're going to feel the feeling you've never felt before.
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
Nothing really mattress.
What did the ocean say to the pirate?
Nothing, it just waved!
What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
Did you hear about the lazy flower who finally got his act together?
He just needed a kick in the bud.
What kind of key has no lock?
A turkey.
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
It caused a title wave!
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
Go to BabaMail
