Why haven't the aliens visited earth yet?
They read the reviews... only one star.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
Knife and a fork bottle and a cork
that is the way you spell New York.
Chicken in the car and the car can go,
that is the way you spell Chicago.
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.
He sent in ten different puns hoping at least one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
What do we call a deer that wears a mask and refuses to tell its name?
“Anony – moose.”
Why are vampires like false teeth?
They come out at night.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
I’m not lion when I say you’re my mane.
What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison!
What did the bat do when she did not know the answer in class?
She winged it.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
Why did the cranberries turn red?
They saw the turkey dressing!
What’s black and white and as hard as a rock?
A panda that’s fallen in cement.
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
What’s a mouse favourite family sitcom?
Full Mouse.
The winds of change started raining silver, copper, and gold coins.
A bear walks into a bear and says, “I’ll have a pint of lager……….. and a packet of crisps.”
The bartender says, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?”
The bear replies, “I dunno, I was born with them!”
A wolfswagon rabbit is by far the best car you can gift a wolf.
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
If the Hubble Telescope got married...
It would be called the Hubby Telescope.
What do you call a SWAT team of alligators?
Gator-raid.
Why do mice need oiling ?
Because they squeak !
Nobody would ask the strawberry to go to the prom because it was past her sale by date.
Native Americans used to have their own professional tennis tournaments, and provided free housing to players from other tribes. They called it the A Tee Pee Tour. (No disrespect to Native Americans!)
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
What do you call Dragon with no silver?
A dron.
---
You think dinosaurs are scary?
Imagine dragons!
I am disappointed that you are taking such a closed-stance on my footwork advice.
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?
Nurse: No change yet.
Whats a bad flower pick-up line?
Lets put our tulips together?
Accidentally ran over a French seal today .
Phoque.
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
What do you call it when dress up like a cowboy?
Ranch dressing
I bought my missus an egg-beater for our wedding anniversary.
I knew she wanted me to whisk her away.
How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
If snowmen can’t ride bicycles, tricycles, or unicycles, what can they ride?
Icicles!
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
Why did the orange get pulled over while driving?
He kept peeling out.
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
What do bats say to those they dislike? Good riddance to bat rubbish!
My wife drove our German car off the pier into the sea. The next day I went diving to look for it.
I got the Benz.
I found a sour strawberry today. It was berry bad.
Go to BabaMail
