What does your little sibling and Q have in common?
They will always rely on U.
Repetition is the Mother of learning.
So who's the father?
Daddycation.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
An offer you can't understand.
My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.
I said "Don’t forget your Baghdad."
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
Why do you get less caviar out of a fish with nieces and nephews?
Because it's in a fish aunt.
What do you call a baker whose parents are siblings?
Inbred.
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
and the second one Duplikate.
What do time and space have in common with family?
It's all relative.
What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left to school ?
Bison.
There once was a family, the Bigger’s.
There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
What do elephants call their mother's sister?
Eleph-aunt.
I’ve decided to name my son Mark.
That way, when I die, I’ll be able to say I left a mark on this world.
My niece called my antisocial
I corrected her with "no, I'm uncle social" Then pointed to my sister and called her auntisocial.
I met your mother on a dating site.
I don't know, we just clicked.
I was painting my room with my brother...
When I realised. He's not a very good brush.
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
The kids made cards for Mother's Day. I asked for a card as well, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
on Sonday.
What did E.T.'s father say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
How many brothers do robots have?
None. They only have transistors.
How can you tell that a zombie used to be a father?
By his dead bod.
My friend said that he eats more than his brother.
I was more concerned by the fact that he eats his brother.
What did Mr. and Mrs. Citrus name their daughter?
Carolime
For generations every male in my family has made and passed on their dad jokes.
Guess you could call it pop culture.
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
My friend told me, “Your wife and daughter look like twins!”
I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
I told my family this joke about a goat...
They said it was a baaaaad joke.
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator. I guess...
we are raised differently.
The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies"
I replied, "Tell him he's very good at it as well. I don't have any kids."
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
Bruce Lee had a vegan brother,Broco Lee.
Don’t let your grandparents have daughters.
That’s how you get aunts.
Mr. and Mrs. Apostrophe are divorcing....
He found her to be possessive- and she hated his contractions. The marriage felt like a sentence
My family is all worried about my addiction to dot to dot puzzles. It's OK though...
I know where to draw the line.
What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting rude?
"I've had it with your altitude"
It’s going to be awkward if Mr. and Mrs. Burr...
ever lose their son Tim in a forest.
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
A son asked his dad: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
The dad responded with: "Yes, we arson."
I know a family of artists but I am not sure how they make so much money...
Very sketchy people.
I often tell my niece to listen, because hearing is the first thing you lose with aging.
Or was it memory? I can't remember.
I ordered won ton for my large family today.
2000 lbs of soup goes a long way.
I booked an appointment at the orthopedist for my whole family.
We got joint problems.
A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
And as you can see, they were Wright.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
I don’t have Great Expectations for my son.
I got him the other books by Dickens though.
What do you call a kid who wants to cannibalise his siblings?
A munchkin.
My wife said she wants me to consider purchasing a decent telescope for the family to use.
I told her I’d look into it.
What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?
Where's popcorn?
For years, my brother wanted to be an archeologist...
But ten years in, his career lies in ruins.
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