Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.