Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
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