I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.