We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk
Bus ticket inspectors: You’ve really got to hand it to them.
What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?
A mother trucker
What do you call a thriller movie involving cars?
Suspension movie.
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
Have you heard about the guy who stole a truck carrying supplies of disinfectant? Police say he made a clean getaway.
I tried to make a wooden submarine.
It didn't go down so well.
Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.
There are more planes under the oceans than there are submarines up in the skies. Let that sink in...
I heard that a truck carrying Scrabble tiles has just overturned… Well, that’s the word on the street, anyway.
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
Why did the bus driver take a long break? He needed a wheel-y good rest!
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
It’s never great taking a truck driver to the cinema to watch a film. They only really like the trailers.
What is the preferred shampoo brand of truck drivers?
Lorry-el
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25. You know why?
Inflation.
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway ...
just in case there’s a traffic jam.
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
Why did the larger car go first?
It had the right of weigh.
What should you double check when buying an electric car?
That your driving license is current.
Honda is oldest car make in the world. It was mentioned in the bible!
"And the apostles were all in Accord"
Why did the submarine driver lose his job
Old, racist tweets resurfaced
Who should drive home out of the two friends?
The one who is not tired.
I banged my bike against the wall today. it was wheelie unfortunate.
What’s the hardest part about working as a bus driver? Everyone’s talking behind your back.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck...
It was a camel tow
Unbelievably there was yet another truck crash, this time it was carrying Vicks VapoRub. There was no congestion for the rest of the day.
Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a driver.
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
Baby dump trucks have the cutest name – they’re called dumplings.
How does a car begin telling you bad news?
‘I hate to brake it to you…’
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
You knock on the door.
There was this bald guy at the bus
He seemed really lightheaded
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
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