Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
You are aged to perfection.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
You feta have a gouda birthday.
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!