This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
You are aged to perfection.
More candles means a bigger wish!
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
You feta have a gouda birthday.
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.