For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
You are aged to perfection.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
They say everything gets better with age.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
You feta have a gouda birthday.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.