Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
More candles means a bigger wish!
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
They say everything gets better with age.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
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