They say everything gets better with age.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
More candles means a bigger wish!
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
You feta have a gouda birthday.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
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