What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
You feta have a gouda birthday.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
They say everything gets better with age.
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