I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
You are aged to perfection.
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
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