I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
More candles means a bigger wish!
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
You feta have a gouda birthday.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
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