What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
You are aged to perfection.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
You feta have a gouda birthday.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
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