People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
You are aged to perfection.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
They say everything gets better with age.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
More candles means a bigger wish!
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
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