Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
New electric trains will run on conductors.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
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