All aboard the best Train Puns this side of the wild internet!

I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
What do you call a person that’s sexually attracted to trains?
A tramsexual.
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
New electric trains will run on conductors.
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.

How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
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