How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
New electric trains will run on conductors.
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
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