What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
New electric trains will run on conductors.
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
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