What did the arrogant pickle say?
I'm kind of a big dill.
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
What's a pickle's life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
Why do gherkins giggle when you touch them?
They're pickle-ish.
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up.
It makes me chuckle.
Why are pickles in sandwiches always so polite?
They're well-bread.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
Why is the pickle container always open?
Because it's ajar.
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
What's the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist?
If you don't know, you ought to stop talking to your pickle!
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.
What's green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
If Santa made love to a pickle, what would they call their baby?
Claussen.
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
When the giant cannibals started to soak me in vinegar, I'd had enough.
"Why don't you pickle someone your own size?" I shouted.
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
Why shouldn't you shoot pool using a pickle?
Because you'll find the cue cumbersome.