I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
Why shouldn't you shoot pool using a pickle?
Because you'll find the cue cumbersome.
What's the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist?
If you don't know, you ought to stop talking to your pickle!
When the giant cannibals started to soak me in vinegar, I'd had enough.
"Why don't you pickle someone your own size?" I shouted.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
Why is the pickle container always open?
Because it's ajar.
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up.
It makes me chuckle.
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
Why do gherkins giggle when you touch them?
They're pickle-ish.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.
Why are pickles in sandwiches always so polite?
They're well-bread.
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
What did the arrogant pickle say?
I'm kind of a big dill.
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
If Santa made love to a pickle, what would they call their baby?
Claussen.
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
What's green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
What's a pickle's life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.