Husband: "These pears a perfect right now."
Me: "Would you say they're 'pear-fect'?"
Why was the pear by himself? Because the banana split.
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
Pear pressure!
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
My girlfriend said we aren't getting married until she has a pear shape
It's the reason we cantaloupe
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
Following a recipe, says I need: pears, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of pears for a pie…
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?