Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
Three tomatoes are walkin' down the street.
Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato.
Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry.
Goes back and squishes him and says: "Ketchup."
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
I tried to make my own condiments but, the recipes change so fast, it's hard to ketchup.
I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
How did the hotdog ask the ketchup out?
He mustard up the courage.
I told my kids that ketchup can go on anything.
You know, It’s the least condiment denominator.
What did ketchup say while spotting his friend at the gym?
Mustard all of your strength!
Why is Mrs Mayo mad at Mr Ketchup?
She caught him watching the salad dressing again.
If tomatoes are a fruit
Then ketchup is a smoothie.
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.
In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.
I recently got told ketchup doesn't actually use tomatoes
But I can't find a reliable sauce on that.
Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?
Because the sauce ages.
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
Before I ducked out to the shops, my wife asked me to put ketchup on the shipping list.
Now I can't read it.
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
Why was the ketchup feeling bad?
Because it had the squirts.
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious