Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
New electric trains will run on conductors.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
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